For some reason I will try to take the time to explain myself to you in the post.
1) Yes after going to months of counseling with her and excusing her EA(I thought that all it was) When I found out it had been an ongoing PA I asked her to leave. Thats about when I found this site and ordered and read the DR book. Mistake? Maybe but e was only gone a day or 2, so I'm not sure.
2)She stopped going to the counseling and we had a few on and off weeks. She had been telling me ILYBNILWY for months now and that SHE wanted a divorce. So to ACT like I was ok with moving on I agreed. This is when we told the kids.
3)I have always dealt with the families finances so I know one of us couldn't afford the home by ourselves. So I told her(I thought WE decided) that we should sell the house in the good time of the year(summer) and get the kids settled in the summer in a diff place. That way if/when things didn't work out the house wouldn't be looming over our heads. At that pt we were each going to move into our parents homes for a brief time. While the house was on the market I was doing my best to bo 180s and working on rebuilding our freindship that was lost along the way. The house sold but had a long closing and I decided when it sold I would fix up and move into a property that I manage. Things were going well between us so I told her she could move in as long as we were faithful and working on our freindship. I wouldnt say marrige because that would scare her off. I just kept working at it for the last 4 months or so and hoped she would see we could work it out. During this time we really did improve our freindship but mention working on our marrige and she would back off.
4)Then November came and she was acting odd and becoming more distant. I knew what was going on. This was when I had to make a stand for my own self. I gave her the ultimation. Is there not a chapter in the book about this? I didn't want to trust me but this was not healthy for me anymore. Letting her cake eat and have the security at home and the fun on the side was eating me up. I'm not a patient person so for me to have lasted a almost year before this was a feat in itself that I'm proud of.
5)As far a working out the details for the divorce what would you have recommended? Like I have said before I know our financials....She doesn't even know how much she makes!! I figured I had to follow through with my ultimatiom and protect myself in the process.
-Finally to respond to your last paragraph don't want a divorce. I haven't been driving this, maybe enabling. The bottom line is right now my W is in love with another person... Am I supposed to bury my head in the sand? I have to some degree and tried to get our freindship back on track and hope to work from there. I think she did come in and out of wanting to stay married but her mind is with someone new. Are you staying that I should have continued to let her cheat under my nose? Not protected my rights as a father and my financhal future and make sure the papers are drawn up correctly? Because you better believe I would give up anything(except kids) to have her come around. My current hope is to do my 180's, GAL and let her go figure out that the grass isn't greener. I hope that she will later on realize what she has given up and want to return to try. I guess I basing it on the old saying:
“If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever.”
