Hey lis, CV's H had been going to a counsellor and indicated that he wanted to work on the M and make it better. In fact, some of what CV had posted a while back, indicated he was actually trying.
Certainly, he could do better, but that will take time, for him.
In the mean time, CV indicated that his attempts to make the M better were just frustrating and annoying him because he wasn't doing a very good job.
I will submit, she also was not coaching him on how he could do a good job. Letting him actually know what she wanted.
And that is because, in her mind, like a true WAS, the M IS dead and so it's just going through the motions for a WAS. What many LBS say when they go to M counselling with the WAS and they indicate that it just becomes a blame fest from the WAS or they WAS later admits they weren't really trying because their heart wasn't in it.
Those are the things that myself, AJ and others are trying to work CV through. That her heart will finally be in it when she stops resenting her H, begins to emapthize with him, and working towards making the M better by making active, conscious, determined work towards that aim, that it becomes a habit. Then... her heart will follow...
CV is in a fairly classic cycle of resistance, resentment, revenge. Where something she does not like, she resists. The continued pressure she feels turns into resentment. Finally, she goes into revenge (which shows up in her as avoidance and withholding) towards her H.
I had mentioned a while back in my series of posts, that this M is of her making. of course, it is of her H's making, as well.
But...
In order to choose to really do the work, she has to start owning her part of the failure of the M. And it's not because she was a rescuer.
I notice CV just posted, so I will post this and see what is new, here.
