LOL! Love the island analogy. Can I be your margarita taster?
I've gotten happy because I've worked on some things in me. I wasn't there when I first came here. That doesn't mean I've gotten happy in my M though. Part of my getting happy has been letting go of the dream of having a happy M with H. Accuray has posted a nice description of what a healthy M should look like. I realize I will most likely never have that with H. I didn't let go of that without a lot of kicking and screaming though, but years of the sameole-sameole has a way of convincing you. But I also wouldn't turn it down even still if it was handed to me on a silver platter.
I would say I would like what everyone else here wants - a happy M with the person I've already invested so many years into. I think the thing that keeps me asking the question here is that some people seem to think I'm missing something in the reconciliation department. I certainly don't want to throw in the towel if there's something I can do, but what that is seems to be elusive to me. People like KD make statements like, "Deal with a bit of pain right now, and put your M back on track, so that the future of doom and gloom portrayed above, does not happen," yet if I ask point blank what that is, I don't get an answer. It's something that I've grown immensely tired of, quite frankly. Just like the proverbial "snipe hunting" trick we played as kids, I'm not sure I'm not the victim of a some giant scam.
The other aspect of it is that you hear repeatedly that M is hard. You hear that it's not going to be perfect. Heck, even your M vows included a contingency for the "for worse" aspect of M. So it makes me question if I simply have a warped perspective on what M is supposed to be, and that I actually have a really good one that I would be throwing out, only to regret it after it was too late. I mean I've never been M'd before, how do I know? We all hear horror stories of other M's and think, "Gee, mine isn't as bad as that!" But how low do we have to set the bar in order to call our M "good" by comparison? And does it matter if it's good by someone else's definition if it doesn't meet my needs?
I'm not sure it's much different than why we stay at a job far longer than we should. Creatures of habit? Some insignificant aspect that makes it worthwhile? A sense of commitment? The unknown of whether the next job will be better or possibly even worse? The effort of the process required to get from one job to the next? The occasional good day that makes you question your prior experiences? I suspect the reasons are many, and vary from person to person. The answers are the things that are rare.
I get your struggle, I really do. If I hadn't struggled with these things, I would have gotten out before the end of my second year. I'm not sure how I can help you.
