finding my way

[littleGTO]

Had an IC session today. Thought I was in a stronger place today, but as I drove closer and closer to my apptmt I feel apart. When I walked her door I was all tears!

OF course I had to update her about BD#2 & H re-committing his comm w OW (emailing). I told her I just feel like that I split open all over again, but this time I feel like I came to very sad acceptance that H is choosing a life w/o me & w/o our family.

I am NOT giving up on our M! But, I do feel like I am not going to walk around blindl hoping for signs every day when I know he is moving closer to HER all the time.

IC suggested trying not to be around H as much as possible and limiting contact, which I am trying to do. She said I may want to think about him coming over to house to see kids on the w/e's.

I told her I also have been very agitated/edgy around H and have to really hold my tongue as I don't want to just ruin my months of effort taking the higher road. She said anger is just a phase everyone goes through--for different lengths of time & sometimes many times over. Everyone is different.

I was exhausted after an hour of crying and unloading on my IC. When I got home I pretty much limited convo w H to kid talk, then he left w 2 kids to take them to activities.

Have a friend at work who I talk to occasionally & he is going thru hard times w his wife. However, they seem to be progressing forward & it is sad to say I am a little jealous of where they seem to be v. my sitch.

I hate this time of limboland!

But, I have a lot of blessings in my life too & I do thank God each and every day for them. I also ask for patience, hope, and guidance. I know HE has a plan for me and my kids. I just don't think it is the path I think I want right now.