How to make it work again?

[scaredsilly]

LOL, CV! it's so funny to think that my H could even think of me as stingy! i've been so generous with his kids, well beyond anything he could expect from most stepmothers, i think. i know you're not saying that but it made me laugh.

tori and t2, thank you for looking in. i respect that it might seem that i'm sabotaging the reconciliation but this is way too important an issue for me to let it go any farther. i have not spoken to his daughter for over a year. i texted her and emailed her three times with a request to meet for lunch to put our differences aside because our history together meant so much to me. she never replied. i get no birthday wish, let alone a card, no mother's day card or call, nothing. she gets $100 for her birthday and another $100 for graduation from my H and i and probably about $300 for xmas from us. i get no thanks. nothing.

this is not a person i want to continue to support. she's an adult now. she's 23. she just graduated from college. she has a boyfriend who sleeps over at our townhouse we gave her to live in for $130/mo. i am 63 years old now. i do not have time for this type of coddling of an adult woman any longer.

she is taking money out of my pocket and i want to spend our money on us now, not her or her brothers. i don't support my son. my son is a Ph.D. so i think my H thinks he doesn't need any financial support but to me, that's not the issue.

all of our money has always been together. when we got married, H had very little. i had a home, retirement funds, pension, savings, etc. now i'm retired and my income is really only social securtity. i have retirement accounts but have not drawn from them as H has a good job and we live off his earnings and my SS check. we've never had separate accounts and to do so, we'd have to divorce.

i met H for dinner tonight and just came out and told him that i was afraid he was stonewalling me on an answer about his D and the rent she would pay and it was distressing to me.

low and behold, he advised me that he had spoken to her and told her that the rent was now $600/mo. and said that she will be putting the balance into our account! so...maybe there's hope?
i do know that i've been a very big help to him with all kinds of personal chores and phone calls to make our rental properties function. so, maybe he's seeing the value of me over her? it's sad to feel that way but i do.

the reason i need this to be resolved now is that it's a big deal breaker for me and if it was to continue, nothing else he had to offer me would make up for it. it would mean that he wanted me to continue to sacrifice for his adult daughter after years of waiting for those sacrifices to end. it would mean that he placed her comfort above mine. it would mean that i would continue to suffer financially to a grown woman who 2 years ago had the nerve to tell me that "what's his is mine" when speaking of all our marital property.

no, i'm willing to lose him for that.

thank you all for your willingness to help me.