We have been beat down, continue to be in an unhappy sitch, and left for dead, well not quite, but left for sure.
you actually had to make me laugh with this comment- it's so true. even if the "left" is mental detachment on their part-
so, all things being considered - in my long long (or so it feels) life of 62 yrs- i'd say this particular "thing" is the worst one that's ever happened TO ME. NO KIDDING. IT'S a very big sort of realization and sounds soooo goofy "out loud". when i consider the people- tv shows, music, movies, etc. that surround us alllllll the time (not to mention tabloids!!!) alllll carrying on and on about everyone's divorces, broken herts- partners switching around here and there- it's awful. i am glad i've never dealt with it before- i wonder if that's why i cannot just quite (yet) see it as the total end forever here. (my r)(of whatever nature) with h.???
i've spent 47 years with two men- mostly one. i think i've been lucky- (it's surely run out now- my luck). doesn't change my essential (and maybe fatally wrong) optimism. (it's "nearly" dead- but i find not quite. i still am that same old person who isn't positive i'm totally "defeated".
oh man-
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I feel like I spent the summer grieving for the death of my M, and the disappearance of my H. I would like to never feel like that again, thank you!
I feel better but still live in a bit of confusion as to were I am headed
Ta Da - well put- me too.... yeah - where the heck are we "on our road" to?? i'm askin ya.
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I have to admit I am really starting to miss passion in my life. I miss holding hands, a kiss, a nudge, even just the look that passes between a couple. I like men...I don't hold any ill feelings for the lot of them.
me either really (tho i am suspicious of all the secret baggage most seem to have). it's merely that i do not know- nor can i imagine who that "other person" might be that would appeal to me. it's been like forever since i've had that kind of a feeling about some other man. i wonder why i am sooo unable to fathom someone else being in the knd of r we had- which was essentially someting i think fit us both so darn well- (apparently i'm wrong about him-) but this is me speaking. for me- i wonder if there's someone as liberal and free from all the usual pitfalls of men - i do not know. it sounds very dumb now that i'm saying it out loud. this is a NO THINKER kind of thing- one could never imagine who and what presents itself in life- i'm stopping rite here imaginging one darn thing.
it will be a mighty tough act to follow for anyone- should be interesting- that one thing. i do not at this moment tho- have a desire to date & make it happen. probaby age- i'd like it- but i'd like it to fall on my head thanks. same with job- want it- lazy girl about "getting" it- would also like tht to fall on my head.
not likely to happen i know- but hey - my fantasy here today. viola' life turns great & falls on my head.
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I feel like at this time I am just riding it out to see what will be the end result. As alien as H is how could anyone come out of this without consequences? A miracle of God would have to be shot throughout his body in order for him to be the man I would want in my life.
again- well put- mirrors my own feelings at this moment.
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I'm not holding my breath, I have never been so disillusioned about a human being that I loved soo much.
i know- would you ever in your wildest moment forseen this? i still (while believe me- i've accepted) find it like an increedibly bad bad dream & hard to fathom it being reality. i know it is- i have moments of slipping back to the "why" thought and immediately stopping it. i cannot think about this crap any more- i just can't. i can hardly talk bout it- i just don't even want to hear myself- think about it- anything.
I am DONE DONE DONE - REALLY. i HOPE ALSO that there is a God looking over us and this business of never more than we can stand- well, i don't know. i think we just endure and endure in response to what is heaped on. if you saw anything like this coming- you could not possibly "do it". if it blind-sides you, the combination of will, surprise, hope, optimism- intestinal fortitude, whatever - just makes you keep taking that stupid ole one more step- one more, one day, one
nurse at mom's - gotta go. keep the faith deariexxoo
