Hello, and thank you for allowing me to become a member of this forum. I have been married to my current wife for a little over 3 years now, and we have been together for a total of 7. The first year of our marriage was great, and we socialized and made time for each other often. The last two years have been ok in my opinion, but apparently alot tougher for her. She has a full time job, and goes to school online as well. She is currently working on her Bachelors degree. This last month, things have really gone badly and on the 26th of Decemeber, I pushed her too hard/too far and she basically said that she was done trying anymore. I haven't had any physical contact with her since then, and this last 5 days has been utter hell for me. I spent the first 2 days alone, crying and pacing back and forth trying to clear my head. I spent hours online looking for resources to try and save my marriage and to better myself in the process. I stumbled across this site, and have read it pretty much nonstop since then. Just yesterday I went to Barnes and Nobles and purchased Divorce Busting. I have made a commitment to myself to try and GAL, to not bug her or contact her in any way unless she initiates. I have made a commitment to get in shape, and just this morning I had an appointment to address some anxiety/depression issues that I have been dealing with but not taking action against. I am scared that I will lose her, but I am trying to stay positive and patient. I want her to have her space, and maybe by focusing on myself she can see that I really do want to change for the better to save our marriage. It was really painful to spend New Years alone in our house while thinking about her possibly having a great time with friends, but at this point I will do whatever it takes to save our relationship. I know that I have not shown her near as much affection these last two years, nor spent as much time focusing on the little things that matter in a marriage. I just hope that my "awakening" hasn't happened to late. Any advice or questions that could help are greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.
I came home from work yesterday, and noticed that things were gone from the house. My wife had come by with her father, and loaded up clothes, personal items, a desk, several computers, a tv, and an elliptical. Seeing those missing made the reality that this marriage could really be over all more painful. I was tempted to text or call her about it, but I didn't. She ended up emailing me about the situation. She started the letter by saying that she hoped I had a good day, and that her father helped her take some stuff back to her room in his house where she is currently living. She talked about splitting other items on a later date, and hoped that the antidepressants that I just started taking yesterday would make me feel better. She also hoped that I was doing ok. A part of me wants to cling onto the possibility that things will work out, and that she is "testing" me to see how I cope with all of this. Another part of me is trying to cope with the fact that I might actually lose my wife, and it is very hard to swallow. I am going to continue trying to GAL and not worry myself over the situation. I will also not pursue her, or contact her unless she initiates. I just want my wife back, and at this point, I am willing to try anything.
Hello! Well your sitch is very similar to many others here including my own except in my case we were married a lot longer. You're proceeding in the right direction, read DB or DR and settle in for a long haul. Remember that this isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. You've got to do 180's on whatever your problems were that contributed to her unhappiness and you've got to stick with them. Don't expect an overnight turnaround, it'll probably take months before you see any signs of progress. Try to be patient. Do get the anxiety/ depression addressed because that will be a huge stumbling block until it's under control. Good luck!
My wife sent forwarded me an email yesterday at 7:44am with the message, " This came to my yahoo address...thought you might like it. Have a good day!....I didn't reply to it, but thought it was a random message to get from her. She then texted me later in the day at 2:08 reminding me to make sure to turn down the heater when I am not hope to save on the gas/electric bill with a "Thanks for your help" at the end. Small things to some, but it gives me a little hope that maybe we can work things out eventually.
My wife has been texting/emailing me more often lately. She emailed me this morning, asking if I had received her previous text/email from the day before. She also said that she was filing our taxes and needed my W2 to complete it. She then went on to ask me to make sure that I told my kids, from previous marriage, "hi. She then ended the email with "talk to you later". I don't want to read too much into these texts/emails, but when she initiates them, I cant help but get a glimmer of hope that maybe things will turn around.
I just my wife for the first time in 9 days since she moved out. She came by to see my kids, and to give them late Christmas presents. It was almost too much for me to handle emotionally, and I had to walk out of the room a few times to keep my composure. It was the happiest 45 minutes or so in a long time. My kids really love her and she loves them very much. After she said goodbye to the kids, I met her outside. I thanked her for coming in person to give them their gifts, and appreciated the gesture. She had tears in her eyes, as did I, and we gave each other a warm hug as we said goodbye. As she drove away, I choked back tears and walked back into the house that once shared our love. I will not give up on us, and I am more motivated than ever to change for the better. I love my wife more now than ever, and I am so remorseful for not acting on it each day.
The contacts are positive signs to be sure, just try not to react to them. Celebrate them internally as positive baby steps and outwardly continue with your DB'ing. She needs time and space to sort her thoughts. It sounds like she's already missing you and the kids and that's a great sign, but she's probably going to need a lot more time to herself. Just keep working on yourself and making yourself a better person.
No contact since Saturday when she came over. I just received Divorce Remedy in the mail, and will be reading that as soon as I get home from work today.
I guess my biggest fear at this point, is that I don't want my silence or lack of initiating communication to drive her away even more. I don't want her to feel like I give up basically, but I want to give her the space she needs. I have pleaded and begged in the past and it ended with her moving out after a big argument on 12-26-2012. I just need to stay positive, make my changes, and hope that she starts to see how committed I am to our marriage.
