I haven't read enough to know and I apologize. But, do you find that your "refusal" to work on your marriage is borne from a feeling inside that you won't change anything anyway? That your H would not actually reciprocate in kind? And that end might hurt more?
Also, go back and reexamine your motives for staying. I say this with a loving heart as I am in the same boat as you. H moved back home but nothing moved forward. In fact, from my end, they've deteriorated. I am contemplating leaving. My H has a serious drinking issue and is heading for a crash. I have used that as an excuse for staying for a long time. It took another crisis for me to understand that wasn't quite the truth. I do love my H. I have consistently made the choice to do nothing but stick close by. I struggle ENORMOUSLY. I do this because in my own way there was hope in my heart. Problem is? I can't fix his problem.
You clearly are struggling. And I'm happy to see you are able to maintain a sense of "normalcy" in your life. However, for me? Everything I worked to change sort of gotten eaten up by grief of loneliness and instability. I worry that's where you could be headed. I am no expert as I have only conducted a study of exactly one person. But I just don't think it's real healthy to stay in limbo like this and I do think it will catch up with you eventually. Again, I'm not preaching or judging. I've done nothing different than you have. I probably handled it worse, in fact. Just trying to lend an ear and try to talk this through with you.
