Almost Over...

[Dewayne]

One of the many epiphany's I've had... after divorce and even when I can finally have the 50/50 schedule... that means half the time I will be losing... how's that equal out? I'll be missing 6 months of EVERY YEAR of her life. I'll be missing HALF OF HER LIFE as a child because of this.

One of the things she did say last night was that the main reason she's completely turned off is because of my behavior right after the break up. I told her "WTF do you expect? huh? I mean seriously, YOU act like your decision was about what freaking shirt to wear.

There's still something wrong with her, she's not right in the head. She's NEVER been like this, ever. never shown this kind of negativity, evilness, disheartened personality... none.

But again, I've decided to tell myself every few min's that it's done. Stop it. No more. Not worth it. Sick or not, doesn't matter. I need to say my family as I know it is now over. no more DB'ing. No more hanging onto hope. Nothing.

One of the things that triggered me hard last night, she admitted to after supposedly killing contact with OM... she slept with him again! AFTER we moved out... so taht means within the last 2 months. Not sure when, but it didn't matter. All the mind movies rushed back into my head.

Thanks for the support