Yet another fight after a few good weeks. We had a really good week Xmas, New Year's, got along, lots of laughing...I did my utmost to steer clear of any "us" conversations, kept it light, was grateful for the little things. But honestly, sometimes I'm just fed up. Today I'm to the point where I feel like leaving, for a little while, I don't know - just escaping this bs.
I've been re-reading DR and Michele talks about exactly this situation, you just said you had a few good weeks and then you had one argument and you claim you're sick and tired of it and want to escape "this bs". So you had a few good weeks and one bad couple of hours, what are you focused on, the good few weeks or the bad couple of hours? Do you let the bad hours wipe out the good weeks? What would be your attitude if you focused on the good weeks instead? What if you saw the argument as a minor, temporary setback to weeks and weeks of enjoyable time together?
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He's acting stressed out and aggressively talking about how he's so poor now because our rent is "so high". I agreed with him about the rent, but added that it's the way we both have been spending that gets us into trouble. He vehemently disagreed with me, talking over me, etc - next thing was how he "can't even afford new work clothes, or a new pair of shoes". Which is not true. So big deal, we disagreed on those things. It turned into a full blown argument about who pays what
I wasn't there, but what I'm reading in your post is "he did this and I did that", IE, you were pushing each others' buttons. It sounds to me like you want to blame him for the argument, but that you were as big a contributor to it as he was. Have you read DR lately? Michele offers tips on how to defuse arguments before they get started. Understand that YOU can stop the arguments BY YOURSELF. Read her tips, put them into practice. One tip she offers that really made be laugh is one couple decided they would only argue in the nude. So the next time an argument started they began stripping all their clothes off while they were yelling, and by the time they were naked, instead of arguing they were laughing hysterically. Quit engaging in "more of the same" behavior, the outcome will always be the same. Make a change!
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I just want him to appreciate me again.
Then appreciate him first. You sound bitter and angry and you sound like you are blaming everything on him while you think you are doing everything right. Remember your DBing, take stock of YOUR contributions to the problems. Ignore his contributions for now, this is about YOU. Make changes to YOU. Become the wife only a fool would leave.
