Total Eclipse by Dan Band

[2chiquitos]

Regretful, Looking back, I believe the separation was more for me. I was so resentful that I couldn't even look at him with an "acting as if" expression. Being apart FORCED me to look at myself. It took me a long time. I say long because after 7mos of focusing on him and our M, I finally started to look at myself. And even then it took me another 6mos to see small genuine positive improvements in myself.

I was so angry at the one year mark because I related my journey to time. "time heals all wounds" but HOW MUCH TIME?? For me it was changing my perspective and looking at it as not time but "with the help of God and my tools, I will heal my wounds."

I hope this helps.

StubbornDyke, I AM ON A ROLL!! I LOVE IT but I'm so scared at the same time. You'd think I'd be on a natural high but I've suddenly developed this fear of being alone at night with the kids. I think it's more fear of being vulnerable and the possibility of getting hurt again. That's scarier than I thought!!

Bustingout, Thank you friend! I think of you often and although I don't always post on your thread, I'm checking up on you. many many hugs!

Journaling++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As I mentioned before I developed this fear last night. I am terrified to go to sleep. I am afraid of an intruder coming in at night.

I was thinking more about it and I think it has to do with the improvement in my sitch. On Fri night, H sent me a text. "thank you baby. I'm going to go get Chinese food. I'll be dropping it off so you can have food for tomorrow."

First of all, in the past, H has sent me texts that were for OW. Second, he doesn't call me baby. So I called him (very shaken), "please check that you are sending me the texts." He was confused and said he was getting chinese. He called back and said he apologized but hadn't realized that he had included "baby." That his cell adds words to phrases and he hadn't checked it before sending it out.

I believe that cell phones do this at times. However I struggle to believe that the text was for me.

Also, a friend invited me to her husband's 40th bday. H n I were considering having them baptize D1. I asked my friend yesterday if it was ok to invite H. She responded to my text but didn't answer my question. I asked again and I still haven't gotten an answer.

She is a close friend. But since H is more interested in having them baptize D1, I feel uncomfortable going without H.

Any advice?