Thanks guys. I really appreciate the wisdom and encouragement.
It's been a bad day. Just so much on my mind. Processing alot of things.
Sometimes life is just scary, and it changes faster than you can keep up with. All the death with the shootings going on has shaken me up. To top it off, an employee where I worked dropped dead during his shift last night. He was 50 years old and it was un expected. It wasn't in my wing of the building I work, but I knew who he was. We're really like a family where I work. So this is sad and scary. Never knowing when you're time is literally up.
However it doesn't make me want to go nutts thinking that today could be my last day!LOl.
Thank you for reminding me I haven't lost my marbles. Thank you for pointing out that this is transition, not CRISIS. It's becoming interesting...because Im personally going through what catapults a person into MLC. But Im dealing with it, not running from it.
It helps to hear you've been through this too.
I've been reading posts from REaching Higher. I admire her and how she's handled her sitch with her H. They seem to be reconnecting, and he seems to be peeking out of the fog a bit.
I wish I had her patience.
I wish my ego hadn't have taken such a beating through all this.
I wish my ego wouldn't turn me into Monster and I could be like RH in my sitch with XH. I do believe if I were like that, there would be a possibility of a legit reconnect with XH and myself.
However I realize I've worked VERY HARD at putting up walls to protect myself from him and anyone else. I don't like that at times I feel so threatned at the thought of someone getting close to me. Ha... how ironic. Xh said he felt so afraid of being rejected he couldn't get close to me so he pushed me away. Yet for the life of me I could NOT think of what I had done to make him feel horribly rejected. I wonder if he was projecting his "rejection" he felt by his life changing so drastically that he didn't know how to cope.
Oh Dear... things are getting pretty heavy here with the thinking. Time for an anti depressant and bed time!
Just so much on my mind. Processing alot of things. 