Wendylon and Ruby thanks for the support. I have not posted in a few days as not much change really in my sitch other than my last big 180 which is to give up smoking! and I am on day 6 yippee!!!
Ruby snowboarding is also on my list - I had 1 lesson about 12 months ago and meant to return to it. I remember a lot of falling . I have also signed up for the BUPA 10k Manchester run with a few mates who are running for charity. They have all agreed to run for my S special school charity which is great.
Dropped S off at W this evening as taking eldest back to University tomorrow so need an early start. No tears from S which was great.
Took S swimming and horseriding this weekend as well as looking at booking summer holiday abroad with S. Had my 2nd horse riding lesson too.
W had left a book out which I could not help but notice. It is called Journey of the Soul by Brenda Davies and wondered if anyone has heard of it/read it. Seems to be about our journey through life, death etc and did wonder if W is trying to work through some things but then again..
No crying from W either tonight so fingers crossed. Wendylon I am not sure whether it would be a hopeful sign or not to be honest. I convinced myself it is guilt and the reality stick hitting home. I don't think she has been gone anything like long enough to feel any different about me.
Congrats on the quitting smoking! I've done it (almost 25 years ago) and know how extremely difficult it is to do, but it is SO worth it. DON'T go back! You're past the hardest part, but the next few weeks will still be very difficult. The cravings will get shorter and shorter with time.
It sounds like you're doing well on the get a life. Good job.
Shortly after I quit smoking is when I started martial arts.
The book reading by W is a good sign, my W has been doing the same, journaling too. It gives me hope.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Shortly after I quit smoking is when I started martial arts.
My point is that if you're into any sports, running, working out, etc., there will be no room for smokes, because they cut into/limit your performance. Replace cigs with something good.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Thanks FY! Cravings are tough but getting thru. Yes, noticing the difference with exercise.
W phoned me tday which surprised me. Just general did S get to uni ok etc. But then she asked me how a job interview went that I had a while back. I didn't get it but it was nice of her to ask. She also asked about current job and what options r following completion of this temp secondment. Again nice of her to ask. She then enquired about my car and if I wld be allowed to keep the car that comes with the secondment. I didn't know but she started offering advice on car finance etc and best option re leasing shld I not get to keep the car.
Keeping my feet on the floor but some more positives.
Picked S up from W this evening. She offered me a drink and was excited to show me a certificate S had got at school for showing assertiveness.
She said she had not eaten yet and I said neither had I. She offered me some pie she had made to take away with me and she was about to have some once me and S left. I refused as had some food in at home but thanked her anyway.
Things seems to have been fairly steady now for some time and I must admit it is starting to feel a bit too comfortable. Like we have both settled into this routine and am getting a bit worried that we could go on like this forever.
Whilst in some ways I am grateful that relationship with W has stabilised, that S appears well and that I am doing well on my GAL. I think I am getting to that stage where it is starting to feel quite normal and that my DB will just stagnate.
Question is how long do I go before changing something? or do I just need to be patient and carry on like I am?
Things have been steady for quite a while over here too, but still no love. I'm not sure about your's, but in my stich I feel like nothing I do, say, or change, will make things any better. But I'm pretty sure I could easily make things worse, so I just patiently stay the course for now.
Like you, I get antsy too, but feel if I press for more love or commitment, it likely will cause her to pull away, and of course I don't want that.
Oh, and you better not be smoking.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Had a good weekend with S, usual activites horse riding, swimming, feeding the ducks and a shopping trip. Dropped him at school and then his things at W house. Stayed at W house over an hour and had a good talk. General stuff and she asked about my work again. I mentioned I am being careful about what I am taking on to get more balance in my life and W felt this was good to know and that there are more important things.
We both went to S parents evening on tuesday. Her mum was minding S and W mentioned that her mum had invited me for dinner after parents evening. W said she told her mum she didn't think I wld want to(not sure why but presumably W didn't want me too - her mum was equally shocked about our S). Whilst I would have wanted to but I just said it would have been nice to see your mum and maybe next time.
Parents evening was positive, W mentioned 'we' when talking about what we had been doing with S and even though school know we separated it was like we were together. W was quick to jump in when I mentioned things I do with S to make it sound like we did those things together (if that makes sense). For example I mentioned his progress with swimming (W does not take him swimming) but W wld jump in and tell them about his swimming even though she wasn't there.
We had an awkward pause when it was time to leave where we just looked at each other in the eye waiting for the other to do/say something. I broke the silence and wished her a good week and wld see her on friday when I pick up S. A bit of a weird moment and not sure if she was waiting me to initiate a hug as I have been following her lead on physical contact like hugs and just reciprocated. Not sure if she was testing me, idk so maybe its time I should initiate a hug and see how she responds.
She text me earlier to say she had a migraine and was going to bed early!! V out of the blue, in fact so out of the blue I thought she had text the wrong person. I responded 'take care' and 'see u friday'.
In summary things seem stable no worse but no better either.
Good weekend with S again. Dropped him at school this am and dropped his things at W place.
I noticed mens things in the house (gloves, walking boots) which sent my mind into override so I made my excuses and left quickly before I started asking questions etc etc.
She was tearful as I left (she does this every week) and I felt bad that this being my main interaction with her during a week I had wasted it.
But I cannot get this out of my mind. There might of course be a perfectly rational explanation for a mans boots and gloves in the house and she did volunteer the fact that she had been on her own all weekend. Whilst I should ignore all this and focus on myself my head is doing cartwheels wondering what if! and after W behaviour with the EA and the posts I have read on this site I know how good she and the WAS is at lying.
I know I will calm down and I am learning......but every few weeks something crops up and bites me in the a$�.
Question is should I have mentioned anything or did I do the right thing to just leave before I said something I later might regret. Part of me wants to challenge her because IDK why she would still be hiding an A when we are S.
I had always trusted my judgement, instincts etc and my instincts tell me that the EA has gone physical. But then again my instincts told me I had a good M before BD!!!! ....and I shouldnt be wasting time thinking all this anyway...
I would definitely not say anything about the men's gloves and walking boots you saw at your W's place. You did really well not to. It's none of your business--especially if you're S and you don't want to look as if you're bothered.
I still think it's a good sign that she cries when she sees you. To me, it signals that she has mixed feelings about what's happening. If I were crying that's what it would mean...
Maybe if the EA has gone physical then it's a bit more real and she'll start seeing that it's not the route to everlasting happiness.
Hang in there, rkyfat. You're doing a great job.
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
. I have also signed up for the BUPA 10k Manchester run with a few mates who are running for charity. They have all agreed to run for my S special school charity which is great.