Well AJ, I did get yet ANOTHER EMAIL from him Friday giving me his complete work schedule and days off. I found that odd given he could've included it in the email he sent the day before about what he planned with the girls for transportation Friday.
So I decided to give myself a full 48 hours to think about this.
Yesterday I started to email back explaining to him that I want nothing to do with his relationship with the girls and from now on he's responsible for making his plans with his girls, and they will inform me from now on.
Then I realized I was only half way through my 48 hour time frame, and I really must refraine and think some more.
I really like the marshmallow concept because that's about what it is.
So this is where I stand now. The reason Im struggling with this is my pride and my ego. I sometimes wonder that now that Im getting "me" back, if Im not just getting a little too much attitude. But I think I just have some sore spots that if they get pushed, I release my own Monster.
My ego and pride wants me to put XH in his place and make it be clear to him I am not here to help him out in ANY WAY with the girls. He IS ON HIS OWN. TAKE YOUR DRAMA AND SHOVE IT BUDDY.
That's Miss Ego and Pride speaking there.
Then... miraculously after a nap and prayer before my nap the other day I woke up not offended, not upset, and actually finding this comical. I went from boiling point, to calm, relaxed and fine with everything. Now... that's what my usual normal is. Let is roll, and don't get the panties in a bunch.
Then I was suddenly struck with actually remembering how XH does act when he really is trying to be nice and get along with people. I remembered how socially akward he is in uncharted waters. I know how he's told me how hard it is for him to find the words and articulate himself with strong emotions or akward situations. Then I remembered this is his odd way of trying to reconnect, but his reasons for it I don't really don't know. It could be alot of things.
All the sudden I had a total recall of how XH is a human being ( though Monster mode in him makes me feel completely opposite) and how he does the best he knows how, even if what he's doing really could use alot of work and causes frustration.
So... (big sigh, w/hands on my hips and me rolling the eyes) I need to come to grips that it's my Ego Im stuggling with, at the same time my truest self that always wants and strives for peace, kindness and compassion I will not ignore.
If I get my ego in check, extending compassion and kindness to a very flawed individual with personality disorders will not cause such emotional upheavel within me.
Perhaps it's just alot different when you were married to a man for many years compared to a stranger you might meet and never get attatched to.