Reb, Our H's are so similar. Right down to the 12 years between events. Mine is also a workaholic and non communicator of feelings or problems.
He is also a runner, just as yours seems to be. They use overworking as an excuse to not have to deal with family. All the time telling themselves they are doing their share because they're great providers.
All people go through life transitions every 7 to 10 years. It's when one of these transitions go off the track that it becomes a crisis. Your H, like mine, may have been headed toward a crisis 12 years ago. You unknowingly may have interrupted it with the pill taking. I believe I interrupted my H's crisis with an unplanned pregnancy.
That said, you can delay the crisis but you better believe if they're interrupted and programmed for a life crisis which often happens at mid-life, it will happen and often with a vengeance.
Typically, and there is nothing typical about MLC, there are childhood issues that weren't dealt with or resolved. What was your H's childhood like?
I agree with BeingMe that your H sounds depressed, but know that depression permeates the whole of MLC. It is like having a perfect storm of depression, hormonal upheaval, and unresolved issues that hit the person right around the same time that seems to catapult them into MLC. They become someone you don't recognize.
You are the only one that can determine whether you believe your H is MLC or not. Cadet will be along soon to give you reading material. Read all you can as it will help with your decision on whether it is MLC. It will also help you deal with it.
Just remember if it is MLC, nothing you did caused it and you could do nothing to prevent it. MLCer's were broken long before we ever met them, therefore we didn't break them and we can't fix them.
One more thing, if it's MLC it will most likely be measured in years versus months. You get to take your own journey while your H is away on his. The gift is that you get to take it sanely.
You sound strong and are there for your girls during the storm, good for you! Keep the focus on you and your girls and you'll be fine no matter what you decide to do.
