Thank you longrun...I appreciate you saying that. Sometimes I can't see what's in front of me and if I'm making any progress, so that helps a lot.
I think I did well today after the argument...I went out and called a friend, and then when I hung up, didn't know what to do. I was on my way home, when another friend texted me out of the clear blue to say she was thinking of me and did I want to come over? Yes! So I just got home. My H was just getting home from some errands as I was pulling up home. I was calm, and casually thanked him for buying dog food when I walked in, and then went to our room to change. He sat down in the living room, and put on one of my favorite-type shows (that he generally refuses to watch). So I felt like that was a small step. And he tried to make some small talk which I thought was cool....but still, I have had enough of this treatment and intend on doing my best to keep up my behaving as much. Because it's how I feel.
It was tough for me to go out today and stay out for the majority of the night, without thought of him and it being his only day off for this week. Still at the same time, it felt very empowering not to worry about him for once.
I spoke to two of my friends about this tonight and came to the conclusion that I'm not perfect, but I really need to get out more, and separate more from his turbulence and confusion. I don't know how long this will last, but deep down I feel like he does love me, respect me and it will all come back - but not while I'm sitting here taking it!
So I have plans for the morning tomorrow, and am planning to go on as many short getaway trips as possible in the near future. And that's all I can do - I'm beyond grateful to have this board to post on and get feedback from, and it helps to read about other people who are going through the same or worse. Sometimes it's just one day at a time...
