Wow, Andrew. Lots of talk. Lots of emotion. You might still be in the numb stage, and the feelings might intensify in the upcoming days. Hang in there.
The living arrangement proposal sounds extremely stressful to me. Think about what you want to do.
I think she might be lying about the SIL's statements.
The "we had so much potential" statement is useless. My H has said similar stuff. It just makes everyone feel worse. If there was so much potential, how come she doesn't want to make it work now? You did the right thing by listening.
Oh I'm certain feelings will continue to intensify. I keep asking / telling myself, do what is right for me. It helps a little. Along with also reminding myself I tried.
I'm pretty sure she is lying too. SIL continues to okay Scramble with me, "nudged" me to make a move. More importantly sat down beside me on the couch while I was playing the Wii with S7. SIL was nice, talkative. Didn't seem too fearful it disgusted with me.
Living situation clearly remains stressful. I'm still undecided on what I want to do.
To add to the whatever situation, W called earlier to let me the day out with the kids was cancelled b/c the place isn't open that long today. They'll do it tomorrow. So she asks what kind if pizza I'd like as they are bringing some up. Also, she and the SIL are meeting up with an aunt later tonight, and w stressed it won't be too long and that she is not drinking. Why do I care? So w did offer me a chance to go out via getting a babysitter for a few hours. So I'm going to meet up with a friend for his bday for a few hours later on. Other than that, I don't know. I'm trying not to get hooked back in. I'm trying to find a eat to make / create my own happiness.
Andrew, just read about your possible new job opportunity. That's really good!
"I'm trying not to get hooked back in. I'm trying to find a eat to make / create my own happiness."----well said. Who knows how things might turn out in the future, esp with you two having to coparent until the kids go to college. But for now, focus on yourself.
Try to forget about all of this at your friend's b-day. I know it's hard. I'll try to forget about stuff too while bowling.
you have had so much going on lately. i admire your willingness to try and find out what you said and to take responsibility. i think sometimes WAS tend to enlarge things said by the LBS in order unconsciously to not feel so guilty about what they are doing. i think that it is great that you are staying away from alcohol... smart move. hope you are able to enjoy your weekend.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Deal Tori, I did not think much about my sich at the bday party. My role in the party / gathering is over. They are all headed to a bar about an hour away from house so I decided not to go.
NG, thanks for checking in and the extra support, as well as the compliments.
So I'm a bit sad / lost driving home. I decided to pull over and just think. What does Andrew want for Andrew, especially about the whole living sich. I want to stay at home, it's simply easier. My kids, my stuff is there.
Andrew, good for you that you didn't go to the bar. I was also sad/lost driving home from bowling, but I didn't pull over. Just cried :-( Right when I got back, my H called. I didn't answer. Then he texted me asking me how bowling was.
If you live at home, would you be leaving every 3 days? It's a lot to think about. Does she intend to file for D herself?
I pulled over. Phoned a friend and am now hanging out at his house watching football and what not.
As far as stay I mean I want to simply stay at my home too the full week, etc. On the other hand, wish I could afford my own place with room for the kids asap.
She said she intends to file.
Side question for anyone....sell the house or file first....is there a standard course of action?
The way I see it is you try to keep away from D as long as possible correct? Two reasons, one to work towards reconciliation or two, you become okay with the D because you've done the work and detached.. This is not to say it won't still hurt, I am sure it is a sad day/ week/ month...whatever. But at least you have tools in your arsenal to deal with it.
Drinking is not your friend, Andrew....in my case it makes me miss H like crazy and I contact him and ...well, you know this does not end in DB textbook style
I know you want a place with the kids, but are you guys currently juggling days? If not a small taste of upheaval,never hurt anyone..in my switch, H is beginning to realize that all the things, all the places were as a family and he is beginning to feel the ramifications of leaving.
Thank you for stopping by again Ruby. I always appreciate your comments. In regards to the first part of delaying a D, I'm halfway detached if not more, b/c I'm not even really worried / focused / hoping for a reconciliation. Part of me wonders though if I could have done this earlier where I may be. Oh well cent undo the past right? Also, someobe earlier used the word numb, I'm not. I still feel. I'm just trying to get by.
Drinking, yes not my friend. Got it. . All the friends I saw this evening were surprised that I didn't join them, but very easily welcomed / respected my choice.
About the last part, we are not currently juggling days at the house aside from one of us leaving for the w/e. Early on the sich, I "had" to leave the home and stayed at my parents off and on for a couple weeks. It wasn't until I told her that didn't work for me and if she was so miserable in the M she could leave. She didn't. She slept ob a couch for a few weeks, then bought a bed and shared a room with S2. So this new proposed idea is for me to leave Sunday night thru Wednesday night. W leaves Thursday thru Saturday. Something like that. It would be the first time she had to be somewhere else during the work week. I have to add this part, during the convo yesterday, she made the comment that she couldn't go without seeing the kids for an extended period of time consistently (eg a week). What does she think a D is? Really?
So to end the update for this night. I was able to enjoy myself with friends without thinking too much about W. The sich in regards to kids is something else. . I am at home now. W, SILs, and some random girl are drinking. Oh MIL is here too (doesnt drink). Anyway, W still cold, non interactive, and what not. Grumbles about the dishwasher being full, but not ran. Geez. Quit trying to either pick a fight or realize that you have to it yourself. She's used to me being Mr. Clean. Oh, and the garbage can is overflowing. Not gonna touch it. Just going to stay in my bedroom, listen to my ipod to drown out their noise in the other room and read a little.
I may say this often, but I really do appreciate everyone's support here.
