Sweetbriar, I can only imagine what you are going through now. I know, though, how poisonous the negative thoughts you have about your spouse are. They are not good for you.
Please, remind yourself this: your H has very serious problems and solving them is not your business. How could he leave you, how could he go on vacation, how could he not help you... none of this is your business. Just treat your H as a heroin addict. He will either recover and come back or not... Your focus should be on doing the best you can for your kids and yourself.
I truly believe 2 things. One, you are doing fantastically well. Two, when you look back to all of this 15, 20 years from now, you will be proud with how you have done.
