first time - need help still

[albamarie]

((((Nero)))) sorry to hear you sick with a cold
They can be the worst thing to get over, it really can take a toll. I hope your all snuggled up with some tea or soup, you don't want to be cold with a cold.

I'm glad to hear your mom is back home, it's best at that age to be home, especially if she can have care given.

Oh, do I know the need to feel great. I long for laughter, fun times, love and warmth, temp. and physical warmth would be wonderful. We have been beat down, continue to be in an unhappy sitch, and left for dead, well not quite, but left for sure.

I have accepted that my M and H will never be able to return to what was. It helps I guess in the grieving process, I feel like I spent the summer grieving for the death of my M, and the disappearance of my H. I would like to never feel like that again, thank you!

I feel better but still live in a bit of confusion as to were I am headed. He's to sick to be on his own, I'm to unemployed, we're too entwined still and could not afford D, or even separate housing.

I have to admit I am really starting to miss passion in my life. I miss holding hands, a kiss, a nudge, even just the look that passes between a couple. I like men...I don't hold any ill feelings for the lot of them.

I feel like at this time I am just riding it out to see what will be the end result. As alien as H is how could anyone come out of this without consequences? A miracle of God would have to be shot throughout his body in order for him to be the man I would want in my life.

I'm not holding my breath, I have never been so disillusioned about a human being that I loved soo much. I know you and all who read this really get that, we are all truly a special bunch who may be given just about all that we can handle.

Does God really not give us any more than that....oh I pray, do I pray!

Nero, take care of yourself. I love to order Chinese/Thai food when I'm sick and eat up all those veggies and soups to stay warm. That bath sounds awesome...you deserve the pampering!