I talked with my DB coach yesterday and she agreed that W seems to be working on herself, with the journaling and reading/listening to spiritual or inspirational materials. She has been doing both pretty much since Mom passed. Coach also agreed that I'm on course and need to take care of myself and stay busy.
I expressed my frustration at how things don't seem to getting any better between us, no matter what I do or don't do. I asked what I can look for as a sign of improvement. She said to look for small positive things W does that she doesn't have to do. Good idea actually, as I see this almost everyday.
My wife came home late last night from her office x-mas party. She was happy and a bit lit up, and told me much about her time out. She even demonstrated how she attempted to give away the miniature Chicago Bears nerf football and duct tape she won in the grab bag, by stuffing the ball in her mouth and holding up the tape! I was a little shocked and failed to react quickly enough with a witty comment, but like that we can still sometimes connect.
I passed my drawing course final last night. Only missed one question out of 38. I haven't spent much time actually drawing though. Might not be my thing right now.
I have 3 guys coming over tonight to practice martial arts. One, new to our group, is a black belt in Hapkido, which teaches some circular, non-resisting moves which uses your opponents strength against them. Should be fun.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I am glad you talked with your coach. My W seems to be doing the same, back into her internal work after coming out xmas...silly me, I set myself up a nice expectations trap new years, you'd think I would know better by now....
Well, at least it was better than last new years when she had her own online party with a bunch of virtual "men". This year she was knitting, doing her EFT tapping and not online at all, sooooo, noticing the small things, back to my own agenda/GAL, etc...
That Hapkido sounds great, pat special attention to the non-resisting "philospohy" application...
We just have to wait it out while growing ourselves...
Hang in there! T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
My wife and I are supposed to go to Texas this Thursday for three nights to meet up with her Dad. He lives near us here in the Midwest, but rents a place on the coast for the entire month of January every year to get away from the worst of winter, and really really really wants the kids to come spend some time with him.
A few days ago W came down with a really bad cold/ear infection and is now not sure if she'll be able to make the trip, so it may just be me going on my own. Even in her present state of illness she is cool and distant, doesn't even like for me to comfort her. So sad that I have to give her space even when she is sick. I'd love nothing more than to comfort her through it.
Last night I joined my family at my nephews black belt promotion test. He is 11 years old, and has been training for 3 and a half years. 85 students of all ages tested, and it was an exciting show! Wife would have went too, if she wasn't so sick.
Today we (or maybe just me) will meet up at my sisters house to see my youngest brother and meet his new fiance. He lives several states away, and he and I haven't been very close. He was only recently divorced, so the engagement is a big surprise.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY, I'm sorry your w is under the weather, but the cold/ear infection are making their rounds around the country. She will most likely not feel well for about a week. She truly does not know at this time whether she will be up to traveling and I can understand her hesitation because my family has had that bug and it's taken them just about a week to actually feel like dressing or even to eat properly. The best thing to do is let her rest, have plenty of fluids in the house, as well as OTC medications, such as cough syrup, aspirin, etc.
I'm glad you got out and went to your nephew's black belt promotion test. Did he do okay? I'm sure everyone is very proud of him. Way to go!
Try to enjoy your visit w/your family today. If your w doesn't go, that might be a wise move so that she's not infecting others w/her germs right now. She really does need the rest as her immune system is running low these days. I do hope she's feeling better soon. Hope you don't get it.
Take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks snodderly, nephew did fine on his test and we are all very proud of him. I wrestled with him today at my families get together. My wife did not go, as she was still too sick. Everyone said they missed her and wished her to get well.
I had a great time, and our new sis-in-law-to-be looks strong... my gut says good catch, even if it seems too quick to me.
My Mom gave all the daughters (including DIL's) a copy of her manuscripts from the last ten years. She does a weekly Christian mailing and calls her page "Sister to Sister".
When I gave W her copy she made comment about "enduring" the years of M. Oh my.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Fortunately, my wife recovered enough to go to work the past two days, and will be joining me on our 4 night trip to Texas to hang out with her Dad. Our flight leaves very early tomorrow morning.
The plan is to just have a good time together. There's a good chance we will be sharing a bed for the first time since March last year. I hope I behave myself.
After tonight, I'll be off line until we're back home Monday, which will be my longest time off the board since joining. Best wishes to all my DB friends!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Now about that sharing the bed thingy...chances are she expects you to try...do the unexpected...don't...this could throw her off her preconceived ideas of you. Well, at least it did in my sitch, based on a scrap of paper I found on the counter with W's "jotting down what's bugging her" notes this summer...
Good luck, have fun, be the best FY you can be!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
That sounds fairly positive. I hope things go well.
In late December my H and I shared our bed in the first time since March also. (twice I stayed at HP in May but he was hugely in replay at the time).
I just held his hand as we went to sleep. It's the ritual we always used to have and he told me the next day he was thrilled to have me do that!
So...maybe a simple ritual you have that can make her feel non-threatened but comfortable?
I'm looking forward to hearing how it goes
rH
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
FY, Have fun and just relax and enjoy yourself. Keep your expectations at zero at all times.
Travel safely.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
