Just a quick update after a month. My company has sent me abroad. What was originally planned to be a 2-week trip is now turning into a 2-month stay. Work progresses well. For the first time I have left my continent and I am several thousand miles away from home. The distance helps a lot. The pain is mostly gone and I am enjoying myself ("GALing") a lot in the little spare time I have.
Another update. I spent Christmas and New Year's Eve with my kids in our house. (W was on tour with OM visiting their parents.) It was great being together with the kids. Before the separation I let W do a lot of household activities. She's a perfectionist and always had something to criticize when I did something so I left a lot of work up to her. Now, being on my own, I did a lot of 180s: I did all the cooking and dish washing myself, the laundry, cleaning etc. I haven't purchased a car yet and went shopping with the kids by bus. They enjoyed it a lot because usually my W just goes express shopping on her own which results in a lot of food which my kids don't like. My shopping with them allowed me to find a good balance between healthy food and food they like. We also went for a city trip nearly every day. In just a few days visited more friends, places, museums than in the past years taken together. We felt like an excellent team. More than ever I now wish to return to my kids' city even if it will mean a smaller salary. I will finish a major project at my current employer which may take some more months but then it's time for a move back.
sgctxok, your advice back in September has had a profound influence on my life. I am now in the process of moving back into my house. I will cancel the current flat and have my stuff transported back home. I have found an arrangement with my employer that I spend Monday to Wednesday in the office. I'll fly to the office on Monday morning and fly back on Wednesday night. This way I will be available for my kids every second half of a week. It will be a different matter how much W permits them to visit me but as they grow older I expect them to gravitate more and more towards me.
Today's the end of the first half week at home. The kids were with me since Friday. Once again we had an excellent time together. We went for a crucial trip on Saturday. There was an Open Day at the high school for which they are going to apply. We spent four hours there. It was very inspiring and the two kids who'll apply are looking forward to the application process including a test. This evening W picked up the kids. Despite months of DBing I find it now tough sitting alone in the home whereas W is in her flat with our kids and OM.
Most people around me don't understand any more why I still put up with the current situation and not file for divorce. I don't think about the future, I just live from day to day, maybe week to week. I have no idea what will be next month. Well, in February W turns 50 and in the first February week she'll go for a vacation with OM and kids.
W told me today once again that OM manages to "touch her soul" which according to her current view I never did. She regrets having married me. I told her I regret that we didn't manage to realize our potential and that the decade-long pressure of not having finished my education weighed too heavily on us. Basically I tried to validate her feelings as much as I could without losing my dignity. I can not and will never be able to validate OM and I don't remember any specific DB rule that OP should be validated. I am afraid that we'll end up in the friend zone. In the beginning this outlook was a nightmare but I have become numb. I have no influence how long she will continue the OM madness, I can only improve myself. My professional development is sensational which she acknowledges. (One of her criticisms was that a stay-at-home man as I was is a "loser". Well, I am a successful professional now whereas OM has not finished any education and works on infrequent low-level IT orders in their flat. Yet another example of the lack of logic in affairs.) - Today W applauded a new shirt I was wearing. High-quality clothing wasn't my strength so there's a 180 she noticed.
We agreed to meet next weekend for another Open Day at a second high school where the kids will apply. The "original family" will go there. The kids are very much looking forward to it.
