You are presenting to him reasons that he can argue with. For example, that he can still talk to OW because he's not leaving you. You can argue with him till you're blue in the face, and you will not make him agree that he's hurting your marriage and hurting you and being stupid.

Instead, make this about what you will accept. Right or wrong, he cannot argue with that. It is just what is. If he is accepting calls from her he is not in your marriage. If he is trying to be friends with her, he is not in your marriage. Stay dark until he proves through actions and time that he wants to be with you.

I hope you can see how the second is different - it is setting a boundary and enforcing it - from the first which is trying to get him to do something different.

You don't and can't control what he thinks feels or does, but you can control what you allow and what you are going to do about it.

Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
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Happiness is a warm puppy.