On Wednesday, H got a phone call from the OW. Upset me big time, and set the tone for the rest of the day. I tried to explain how I feel with thier continueing contact...that I can't heal, that I don't believe what he says etc.I also said I was almost ready to give up. When he left that night to go to work, I barely got a kiss goodbye.
Thursday : he called twice, talked about minor things, then at the end of the conversation..he said I love you...
Friday, I went to a funeral, a quick visit with my parents, kid stuff, dealt with my heart broken daughter, ( I made an appointment with the dr to get her counselling as she needs it big time),etc...I had no contact with him, I never called or texted him etc. Went dark...as you can see by my previous posts. Re-read the DB book, and any other book about affairs that I had.
Today I get a text from him saying he thought it was going to be different, that I would be calling and texting more..( as we talked about earlier last month), but that he was mistaken.That he hadn't heard from me in days except when he called.I wrote back how much it hurt knowing they were in contact again, and that it was his actions...not mine. That I know what it is she is trying to do, what she still wants, what I think he wants and feels, (to remain friends), but that it kills me and hurts me..too much.He said that he and her had thier last contact yesterday and it wasn't pretty. He does not expect to hear from her again. ( I have heard that one before)..they can't seem to stop texting or talking to each other for more then a few days or week at most. I wrote back saying I loved and cherished him, but it was his actions that is doing this to me...that it kills me not to talk or text you, but that it hurts too much thinking that door will continually be opened over and over again. I said I know what it is she is trying to do and what it is she wants, but I also know how it makes me feel when they are in contact. I told him I can try and explain, reason whatever, but that it doesn't make a bit of differnce. So what do I do? I thought about going to see him, but I know he won't talk...not about us ( as to him there is no threat because he isn't leaving me and our family), not about what they discussed or not, not to our kids who are hurt, and angry. I got the feeling when he said that the date he was supposed to go to camp was switched from the 7th to the 11th that he would like to see me...but I don't want to cave, give in..whatever. I feel like giving up on this, but do not want to hurt the kids...me...damage things further.
