Thanks everyone, I try to vent here instead of on my family. I am still working on not reacting to situations, instead I need to digest, put it into perspective, stop mind reading and proceed with a calm attitude.
Bug, your right about picking my battles. I'm trying to figure out my frustration and why I am having it. Is it because I am selfish and wanted to be the fun one?? Am I upset because she came into the(my) home she left and got onto the(my) computer she left, without my permission (I would not go to her home and help myself)?? I don't think it's the dinner or when it was served, just the fact that she keeps doing things like this without checking with me, this was my night with my daughter not hers (Is that selfish??) I'll work on this and see where it leads me(of course your perspective is always welcome). I won't say anything to her yet(if at all), this is going into my journal and I'll talk it over with my IC. It may be my boundary issue and not hers lol.
The other day at Sunday School I could feel myself getting very anxious because we were getting out late from class. Class is suppose to be over at 10:15 and service starts at 10:30. Well, I could feel my self getting anxious because we were not getting out on "TIME", we did not get out until 10:30. Why was I so anxious?!?! It's not like i'm going to get a ticket for late service arrival lol. I can be a real jerk about being late, I'd rather be an hour early than just on time. Growing up my dad was the same way, not sure if their is a connection. He could really be pushy when running late. Could this be part of my controlling side, more stuff to think about. Man I have a lot of "STUFF" to think about hehe.
On the bright side I dominated in Trivial Pursuit lol.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
How about because you think you look wrong when you're late? Or it makes you stand out if you walk in late, or people might not think you have it all together, they might judge you? I've been like that in the past in fact, I would be near panic attack if I was going to be late, I've worked on that issue a lot, do my best and let it go. The world will not come to an end if I'm late-this is why my current thread is titled "Living in the Gray." Accept the fact that neither you, nor anyone else, is perfect.
It seems you probably do have some boundary issues with your W. Write those out and discuss with your IC but be clear within yourself as to what your boundaries are.
You're allowing your resentment about it to grow and affect inconsequential interactions, so figure that out.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
After more contemplation, I am rethinking my stance on my last minor meltdown over dinner and my W coming into my house. Now that I have a couple of days to think and try to figure out why I was so irritated about the events. Basically it's because I'm wounded and hurt, really not a big deal in the gran scheme of life. I will talk with my wife about her coming into my house with out permission if she does it again and I have another reaction to it. I will not go into her new place uninvited. I realize this is our place but she did walk out of it. If I feel like it is an invasion of my privacy then I will say something. I will tread slowly so as to not over react.
I really like being able to come here and post my thoughts and reactions, get feed back then work through my emotions before I do anything that I cannot take back. Bug your helpful as always. (((labug)))
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
How about because you think you look wrong when you're late? Or it makes you stand out if you walk in late, or people might not think you have it all together, they might judge you?
Could be bug. Esp. the not have it all together part. I purposely slowed my pace this morning going to church and showed up about 10 min late (I know right?!?!). Weird thing happened, no one said what your late!!! Matter of fact they barely noticed, they just fell into conversation with me (I did not apologize for being late either). I'm such a rebel lol.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
This is something I've had to work on and still struggle with.
On the day of the GC trip, I wanted to leave earlier, it's a 6-7 hr drive, easy, but the weather is a factor and I like to be settled by dark. My son had gone out the night before to a friend's house so didn't get up early and then had to pack etc before leaving. On the way home I was dropping him at the airport for a trip to Canada.
So while waiting for him to get ready, I at different times felt that panic rising. Old me would have ranted or gotten angry and silent making everyone unhappy. I had to talk myself through what I was feeling and why and just let him know without the freak-out factor that I wanted to leave by a certain time.
As it turned out many people might say, "see, you were right, you should have left earlier." Maybe, but then we would have had a completely different time. We were never really in any danger, we could have been had we acted stupidly. We always had options so instead of a trip we had a bit of an adventure and now it will be one of those treasured memories in years to come.
We do need to live the life we're given not the life we wish we had.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I will talk with my wife about her coming into my house with out permission if she does it again and I have another reaction to it. I will not go into her new place uninvited. I realize this is our place but she did walk out of it. If I feel like it is an invasion of my privacy then I will say something.
This is something I talked to my W about as well, because she was coming over and walking in unannounced. I told her that I wanted her to start knocking and I would let her in. She did start doing that, but over time it's kind of been relaxed because usually the kids are with her and it doesn't make sense to make all the kids wait outside for me to answer the door because it IS their house too and they do come and go as they please (as it should be). Now if she's alone she knocks and then let's herself in and announces that she's there. That's OK with me, it's not a big deal to me now like it was when we first separated.
I'm back lol (in my best Jack Nicholson voice), I stayed at a hotel that had internet issues all week.
I found the book happiness trap and have started reading it so far I like the book.
My wife is still not talking at all to me. She is communicating thru my daughter to me. She came over this evening to drop off some items and would not look at or talk to me. She spoke only to my D and son. This is difficult to deal with, maybe it's time I move on with my life. When I feel detached something comes along like tonight and brings me back down. The good part is this pity party was short lived, I'm feeling better already. I guess detachment comes in incremental steps.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Well today i have a lot of anxiety and I'm not sure why. I've been thinking alot about my W and our situation. Oh the good days are good and the bad days are bad. I really need to work on shutting up and letting other people talk, my brother in law came over today and I did the majority of the talking. I should have asked him questions and let him engage. A fail for me... I'm wondering why I have to dominate conversations?? Is it a insecurity issue where I have to sound like I know more and am smart?? Is it because I do not like silence when someone else is with me?? I think both may apply, this needs more thought.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
I'm signed up for motorcycle riding lessons the first weekend in February. I'm stoked and cannot wait. This is a big deal for me, stepping out of my comfort zone a bit here. I hope I don't drop the bike lol, ah well if I do it's insured hahaha.
Forgiveness, that's what I'm striving for now, my head says forgiveness my heart says not right now. I am praying for the strength and keep trying to see things through my W's perspective. I understand she is in pain as well, I really want her to have a great life. If that means she is with someone else than so be it, but for now I stand until I cannot stand anymore.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
The motorbike lesions sound great! Good for you. Forgiveness is hard. I find I think I have forgiven H for something but then a week or so later, I realize it had crept back and his not really forgiven. Lol
It's like you have to continue to make the choice to forgive, until one day, you realize you truly have forgiven.
I'm also struggling with head over heart with forgiveness. Mainly regarding H involving our children in his new relationship so soon. I want to forgive him but I don't feel I'm ready to yet.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
