Stop The D

[justjudy]

Just read through this whole thread Spartan and wanted to say keep strong!

Watching H tell my kids he wanted to leave was one of the hardest things I have ever done and I went through all those emotions again reading your thread. I will remember forever the look on my D11 (then D10) little face as she realised her world was falling apart. She went through every emotion over the next few hours but then remarkably quickly settled down to asking about logistics and practical questions, unbelievable resilient. She has a meltdown every few months or so and needs to be constantly reminded she is loved. Also sleeps in my bed regularly although that has tapered off lately.

And I am not sure what my position is on separation (moving out.) My H did move out and I resisted it for as long as I could because I did really believe it was the beginning of the end. But my D17 said to me "he's not treating you like a wife, so what are you, his maid?" I realised that I was showing my daughters that it was OK for a husband to treat his wife with disrespect and that wasn't something I wanted them to see.

So I said to H "if you want to leave so badly, just go". And he did. And I cried all that day. I never thought he would walk out that door but he did. And my house was immediately calmer and my children were immediately more settled and I was able to work on detachment and GAL and thinking and reading and working on myself in that calmer, more settled space.

I can see that in some ways S was a useful decision at the time but I am not sure that long term it is a positive for our M. I haven't given up though and neither should you.