What I'm trying to do is to see that in the future it really won't be relevant anymore who left who and who did wrong. I want to take the shortcut to that future (thinking of that old kids' game Chutes & Ladders) and am telling myself to try acting like it doesn't matter RIGHT NOW.
My mantra today is "in the future this will not matter."
Just wanted to point out that my IC was not in favor of this little mind trick. This is old-me thinking, covering up my feelings and avoiding them.
She said that it is still important to recognize the type and intensity of my feelings about something, and then decide whether or not it is appropriate or beneficial to do/say something.
The idea that I caused our split gives me pain and the knowledge that many people will think whatever they might think and I can't control what they think, makes me feel misunderstood and angry.
In the moment, reading the email or facebook message that implies a lack of understanding of my role in the situation, may still not merit a response.
Will it ever be necessary or valuable to tell my H's sister and SIL my side of our story? Maybe, maybe not.
It was my decision that in this moment it wasn't necessary. I recognize that telling myself "in-the-future-this-will-not-matter" is an avoidant type coping mechanism. If I'm using it as a tool and not my whole skillset, then I think it has its place. In the middle of a board meeting, I will use it. Over coffee with a SIL, I might choose to be more real with myself.
I didn't want to leave this unchallenged, since it just isn't a 100% good idea.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
