Antonia: Your post stopped me in my tracks and brought tears to my eyes. I am very much an "I've been an awful wife" kinda girl. It took me almost a year to realize that I can't take back what I've done and I can't make it right for H. I felt so much validation in your post and I'm grateful for your insight. I don't want to be that person that takes full blame, and I believe you have presented something to me that I need to take an honest look at. With detaching, I have changed a lot of what I used to do with H, but not so sure I've removed myself from the picture enough. I went from spiraling out of control to feeling sad for him in his state of confusion. One day he's telling me "I'm trapped here", "Leave me the f*** alone" and 2 days later he's talking about building a deck and cleaning the garage. I think it must be so exhausting to be him.
I've been thinking about this post often today.....
AJM: LOVE what you said! I believe this is where I need to continue on my path. I bought DR out of desperation to save my marriage, but now I believe I need to save myself first. I have always put others first and neglected me. It feels good to start exploring who I am and what I really want to do. I pray it will be with my H one day, but I very much like the line on the end of the resources post from Cadet:
"Your H has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely"
Thinking about things like this is helping me shift my perspective.
I appreciate everyone's comments so much. This stand for my marriage has been a lonely road so far. It's nearly impossible for people to understand what it means when I say H is in MLC. They see craziness and they don't understand why I'm still here. I feel relief being able to share with others who get it.
H42 M42 S11, D8, D6 M 18 T 25 BD 10-11 H 2nd MLC in progress (1st interrupted) H Still home but doesn't want to be
