New to the forum, WAH 10/3/12

[notsurewhat2do]

New Years Eve for me was much harder than Christmas. Christmas was busy and it kept my mind occupied. New Years Eve it was just DD and I. We went to dinner, went shopping and rented a couple movies. We watched movies and 12:00 kinda snuck up on us. But I was still very lonely. In the past H and I have never had traditional plans. Sometimes we went to a party, sometimes stayed home, last year DD went to a "teenage" party and we went to eat. But we were always together. So it was very lonely to be spending it with only DD.

DD and I had a little tiff New Years Eve about Child Support. Our paper say payments start first of December 2012. He paid Dec in a lump, paid what he borrowed and gave me $700 for Christmas (which I got in writing was not part of CS). But when I asked when he thought he would have my money for January, he said he would be paying me weekly... $150 weekly. I have been budgeting to use his money for housenote and groceries. He knows this, I've told him several times. He said he never told me he was paying me monthly, always saying weekly. I said NO, the papers say it due on the FIRST ... All of this happens as I'm getting ready to go to my office and get him a computer, because the one he took wasn't working. I spent Sunday trying help him with his computer, looked up computer repairs places for him Monday and finally told him I'd go get him and extra to use while his is being fixed. Anyways, my lawyer pointed out that if he pays me weekly ... I actually get $600 extra a year. So I'm okay with weekly payments ... as long as he pays. I know I need to keep up with it, how do most do that? Write it on a calendar? Copies of the checks? Just wondering

I'm doing okay though. I haven't had weepy periods in a while. I've joined weight watchers, I'm getting things done around the house, I'm getting in contact with old friends that I haven't seen in a while. I've had friends tell me when I'm ready to date, they have a great guy for me ... right now, I'm not interested in dating. I'm still waiting for H. I'm still not ready to file the papers. I think I'll know when it's time. But I'm actually doing good. God is faithful and picks me up when I'm am down. Amazing .... I am starting a bible study Jan 16 and I'lm looking forward to contecting with people in my situation and maybe even helping others.

H and I actually do get a long. He locked his keys in his 4-Runner running the other day and DD had the extra in her room. So he came over to get it. We joked and laughed about it and talked like normal. Only difference, he left to go home. He never talks about OW with me or DD and still calls me for odd things - like how to cook a pork loin.

I still love him and it is hard watching him leave, but it's getting easier. I think a lot about what will happen when he and OW get married and how much that will hurt (if they get married). And I hate that he is ruining his relationship with DD and doesn't act like he cares. He doesn't realize she is using him to get things she wants. Like rides to BF's house because I'm at work or Halloween costumes because I can't pay $50 for it. She is using the situation to her full advantage and either he doesn't see it or doesn't care.

Life goes on ..........