Woke up from 2 dreams. I hadn't said it here I don't think but I'm a victim of night terrors. Extreme nightmares that sometimes make you act out in your sleep and most of the time when you wake you don't remember them. I'm one of the unfortunate ones taht remember. Most of them seem so utterly real it's unbelievable.
Since this started, all my nghtmares about monsters and demons have stopped. All my dreams now are of her.
I woke up and was very emotional, tried to watch a few movies, watched a comedy show and took a drive. Couldn't talk to my friend because she's ALWAYS so negative... and it's starting to seem like she just wants me to give up hope because she likes me. I'm so tired of all of this.
Tried washing the dishes here at the pad and I just couldn't do it. Verge of breaking down again. I thought I had it under control....
I keep scouring the internet, looking for and reading success stories. They make me so happy to read, so happy for these other people. It gets so hard to remember that this may be because of depression, or a MLC, maybe they don't realize what they're doing. In a loving marriage how can she just drop you so fast and not even care or miss you. I think of all the fun stuff we did as a family, going to see kid movies and going to the park, driving around, going to nice places to eat etc.
Just an emotional bump. I thought last night, "she's having fun though, she's enjoying life. She never got to go hang out with so many friends etc.. I should be happy for her" but... should I really? How am I suppose to feel when I can't hold this back? Do I get mad? Do I try to be happy for her?
It's so dam depressing. I can't even get my life going as a single person now. Felon, hard to get a job. No one's hiring. No one's calling me back. I'm FLAT BROKE, mom had to bring a care package of food for Jordan... and to think 8 months ago we had $40,000 in hand. I keep thinking, "YTF didn't I just buy a house instead" "Had I not done the Haunt we would be fine..."
M: 36/W: 28 T 11yrs / M 7yrs /1x 3yo D Sept: W Cheated w/ teen, BDrop. W Beast. Hated me. Oct: 18 (M license)W Asked for D Oct: 31 (Anniverary)W Paid Lawyer Nov1st: Both moved.
