Walking the path to my own happiness

[GH31]

Hi RegretfulLA,

I have followed your posts somewhat but don't recall posting to you. I think your attitude is superb. You obviously know there are things lurking in your psyche which need to be addressed in order for you to have the life you deserve in the future. And you're doing what's required in order to for that to happen.

Hats off.

This struck me:

I know that you are all correct, that my head could easily be clouded by the presence of another man.

From what you write about your husband it's inevitable that you would feel starved emotionally.

Also this:

I do want to be that awesome person, and I want to fix myself so that I don't repeat my mistakes. I know I wasn't such a great W, OMs aside.

I was a shockingly neglectful and verbally abusive husband also. I had to make lots of changes even if I wasn't going to be with my wife. I was 31 when my life utterly disintegrated in January 2008 and figured I would be alive another 50-60 years. I wanted those years to be great years, free from the heartbreak and pain that my choices had invited into my life.

What if another OM1 came along? Then what? I STILL, after almost 4 years, have regret about OM1. For sure he is the one who got away, for me. For him, maybe not, but for me, yes.

Would you feel this way if your husband had had an epiphany and started meeting all the needs you had been starved of?

This also struck me:

And just to prove how much I believe in the power of the universe and all that, this just popped up on my FB feed:
"Sometimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth and value, but because we finally realize our own."

You will struggle to find more of a hard nosed atheist and skeptic than me. But... about the Power of the Universe and signs....

On the day my wife left me, 28th January 2008, my watch stopped. I never put it on again.

Also, we were living in Berlin, Germany at the time this happened and I decided to take a trip on the train to Poznań in Poland. Whilst there I went for a walk in a big park and felt an overwhelming sense of peace. I hadn’t eaten anything for a week and those ketones rattling around in my brain probably contributed to this, but I realised then that I had no more “axe to grind”, no more “points to prove” and no more “scores to settle”. Later that day as I was back in the city centre I saw the classic Australian roadsign – the yellow diamond with the black silouhette of a kangaroo on it. My wife and I are from Australia and I thought it was odd that I would see this on the street in a small Polish city. Almost immediately thereafter I saw an image on a billboard of a broken heart with a safety pin going through it, holding both halves of the heart together.

As sceptical as I am I paid attention to these signs and on 28th April 2008 I flew back to Australia and went completely pitch black on my wife – zero contact. She had moved in with OM and I left her in Europe, 10,000 miles away. This was by far the best decision I could have made and I never regretted it for a nanosecond.

When back in Australia I saw (again on a billboard) a caption reading ”She’s coming to Australia. Be prepared”. Sure enough my wife came back to Australia 25 days after me and that is when the worst part of my “sitch” began. The latter part of 2008 and the first half of 2009 were absolute, uttermost Hell on earth. In fact I read my thread from back then the other day and can hardly believe it was me experiencing that.

I saw and experienced many more of these “signs”. My sceptical nature wonders whether I see them simply because my brain is primed to notice them (like if you bought a red Mustang you would likely start noticing other red Mustangs) or if there really is something else in it. I don’t know .... but they have happened too many times now for me not to take them seriously and pay attention.

Hang in there and keep posting to us!

Best,
GH31.