Another: 1. they have been involved for 8 months or so...he can't seem to let go. 2. I know it can't, but he doesn't think the same way.He thinks they can be friends even though how it makes me feel. 3. Doesn't seem like he will be able to let go. 4. I realize it is about him, but all he is doing is pushing me away. Our kids are hurt and angry and it is all about him? That doesn't seem all that fair to me. 5. I do have a MC, will be contacting him tomorrow to set up an appointment. Just [censored] big time...I get punished over and over...my feelings do not count, and all he is doing is pushing me away even though he has said he is not leaving me, that he loves me. I don't know if I can do this any more. Told him I am ready to give up.
Carole, if he does not give up contact it won't work. I am living your life now. H told me the same thing, wants his cake and OW! I feel just like you, I am tired of being second in his life. He can lie to me and not even flinch, says he will never leave me but then tells OW they will be together come hell or high water. Tell sme he has not texted or talked to her when I saw a text an hour before telling her he loved her. She keeps sending naked pictures of her self to him and he loves it! He has his family and her and I am totally losing my mind.
I am letting him do this to me so I have noone else to blame, I just wish I could walk away and not look back. I want to call her so bad and tell her I know about the pictures and wonder if her H knows what they are doing. It is about him and it will never change.
M-47, H-46 M24, T29 S19, S17 OW since 2007 Fighting ever since H left 8/12 H home 11/12 still seeing OW
Ready: I know that...the wounds can't heal if he is in contact...I know he has written the farewell letter, said goodbye and said no contact, and he hasn't, it is her who has contacted him. But he never stopped it, figures they could be friends, with no threat to me...as in his mind he is never leaving me...was never going to, still loves me...just doesn't understand why I should be threatened..dumbass. I just wish he could understand taht the constant contact pushes me away and makes me feel like giving up, yet, if I do then she wins...the kids already hate her and have lost respect for thier dad. Not sure what to do to be honest, If I go dark, then it is like I condone thier contact, if I walk away, she wins, I lose, but do know that if they are in contact, it will destroy us..and our family...and told him so. Just don't know what to do anymore...it is a no win situation.
I do not think he fully realizes the damage that he is doing...to me...perhaps as I have been rather frank about it, but to his kids...I don't think so. In his mind, this is about him and I...not the kids, not realizing the damage what it is doing to them as well.
Hi, Carole, Read your entire thread. I can relate on a lot of levels. My H also has OW in his life & won't give her up. They are JUST in an EA & he is totally cake-eating. My H did move out 2 months ago & that alone is a HUGE statement about where he is at. DIfference is my H says he is "in love" w OW and NOT w me.
We also have 3 children, although they are a bit younger than yours & know nothing about OW yet.
I agree your M cannot work if OW is in the picture in any way, shape or form. Your H needs to understand this. Is he willing to go to MC? If so, then this should come out fairly quickly by C. THEY CANNOT BE FRIENDS!!
I understand. She would constantly be in between the two of you. It is totally not fair. He is only thinking of himself--typical MLCer.
It sounds like you have made your boundaries clear. If he refuses to completely cut off communication w OW he will NEVER fully recommit to you. Just b/c he says he won't leave you doesn't mean he is committed to you.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, but I am too & can really relate.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I have already asked if he would go to marriage councelling, but he doesn't think he needs it..."they don't know me and my life". I had started with DB back in Sept and was doing well, until my huge mistake and it was always in my face. I am starting up with it again. Started today actually...going dark...funny thing though when he said " I love you " tonight, I automatically replied it back...think I will not say it for a while. It is tough, a brutal thing to go through for anyone...and I truly do sympathize with you littleGTO and anyone else who has gone through this. |But now that his parents, sister and kids know..( my family does not yet..not sure I want that out there, knowing what they would think and feel. I do think we can recover if he totally gives her up, but my family wouldn't). And not to toot my own horn, but they all fully agree with me on what he has been doing and his behavior. Think that is tough for him as well, but he has to lay in his mistakes. For some reason his parents and our kids seem to have put me on this high pedastal, which is hard to swallow at times, as I know I have my faults and quarks. But it is what it is. So have been writing notes, reading books, and he knows how I feel about continuing contact. I never called him at all today, he called twice, and if he does tomorrow then if he does say those three magic words, will do my best not to say it back, but rather say "thank you". Our conversations consisted of generic day to day things today...and am resolving to continue that. He knows I am ready to give up...maybe this will prove it to him...going dark...big time. Seems like I have been doing things wrong or backwards, now..he needs to know I am serious. Her or Me! I have the backing of his family and our children. ( and here I was so worried about protecting the kids and thier dad about all of this...and to find out I have the complete support...helps immensely.)
Time to go completely dark...was told I should write one last email or do one last phone call...short direct and to the point..continuing contact will result in me leaving...but am going to talk to my DB coach about this first...said it in person...after a while he tunes me out...just wish someone could get through to him. HIs daughter wants to call him and tell him to get his head out of his A$$..but don't think that would make a difference. SHe has already told him he has been lowered in esteem in her eyes, and that hurt him deeply.
