Another update. My H came home tonight with a large canvas painting of Venice. Its beautiful and I love it. I have wanted a new picture for the living room for a long time. in the past week, he brought home 2 other gifts for me, a running jacket and new holiday greenery lights since my outside trees went out. All of these are really nice and make it so confusing. Why does he do this. I think his primary love language is giving gifts and acts of service. Meanwhile mine are physical touch and quality time. So for many years, we spoke different love languages and I had no clue. That book gave be great insight. Now I try to bring home little gifts every once and a while. I try not to over do it.
Anyway, he offered to take the boys over to his place to sleep one night again this weekend. I put my foot down as I think it will confuse them. I told him that I am fine for that to happen if we make it a regular schedule and tell them whats going on. He doesn't seem to want to do this. He said, "so you are going to put this all on me". I said "yes, because you know I don't want any of this. If there is no chance for us to reconcile then fine. Lets tell them." He said, "I didn't say that". (I smiled internally at that). He just said, "I don't know what to tell you, I am still angry at you". I responded, "thats fine". I didn't defend myself or say anything else.
ugh so frustrating..
Me 38 H 39 M13 T18 S6 S9 Bomb Drop 11/11 Moved Out 7/12 Still have hope. No OW that I know of..
What is up with all the gifts. H came home with a lighted topiary yesterday. Not sure if he is feeling guilty about something or is just being nice. I really like it because he knows I love topiarys. He also bought one for himself for his place as well...
So the neighborhood NYE party was a blast. I had so much fun. It seemed like H was having fun as well. He seemed like him old self, joking around. We kissed at midnight but it was a light peck and didn't seem like it was genuine. We got home at 12:30 and he left to go to his place.
One little bit progress that I noticed. H seems open to having some friends over for dinner together. He wasn't open to that before.
Me 38 H 39 M13 T18 S6 S9 Bomb Drop 11/11 Moved Out 7/12 Still have hope. No OW that I know of..
H is now out of town for the next few days. Before he left, he mentioned that next weekend he wanted to have a neighbor over to watch football at our house and not his new townhouse. I take this as small progress. This is the first time he will be watching football at our house all season. He always goes to his townhouse with friends to watch it. Then I mentioned lets have this neighbors family over too. Our kids love to play. He said that would be fine and that he would cook too. He loves to cook.
Before all this, we entertained quite a bit. We both love to cook dinner and have people over. We haven't entertained in a year. So this will be the first time in a while. I guess I feel as if this is progress even though we still don't live together.
Me 38 H 39 M13 T18 S6 S9 Bomb Drop 11/11 Moved Out 7/12 Still have hope. No OW that I know of..
As I am reading this, I feel you have written my entire life story. I can't believe how similar our stories are with regards to where our H's are in this process except I am not getting any gifts and my H is very hopeless that the marriage can work.
My H has been living away for 5 mths. I am not giving up on the marriage, however I can't wait forever. My kids are so confused and cry every night about when he's coming home.
I have no advice, but wanted to offer big hugs. Please keep us updated.
H:37 W:37 M:10 years D:7&5 Bomb:9/7/12. H moves out H moved back 12/23/12-not going well Retrouvaille 1/18 H moving out again 3/14
Hi, roses, Sounds like your H is definitely making some good baby steps toward you & your family.
And, you are doing great at giving H space and letting him make the moves.
Since gifts is one of his LL he probably assumes it is yours too & is trying to speak to you w/o actually saying anything.
Keep up the good DBing! (I changed my name from turtlegirl to littleGTO as my H has been reading ALL my posts!). Come visit me on my new thread--finding my way.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
LittleGTO - your H has been reading your thread... How did he find out about this site. Have you talked about it all.
Interesting point about love languages. Thats what I think too but don't want to get my hopes up. He has been on a trip for a few days so I won't see him until tomorrow. Busy day of basketball games and birthday parties. He has texted a few times but no calls..It bothers me but I am over it.
Me 38 H 39 M13 T18 S6 S9 Bomb Drop 11/11 Moved Out 7/12 Still have hope. No OW that I know of..
So H is back from his trip. I felt like I did a great job detaching today. I had a super busy days lined up. Tomorrow I have brunch plans in the city.
So is it a good thing that H is going to watch the football games at our house and not his town house. He also suggested inviting 2 of our neighbors and their families. H and I used to entertain all the time, its something we love to do. However, we have not entertained since Superbowl last year, this will be the first time. I feel like this is some progress. Even though we are still separated and he just left for the night.
Me 38 H 39 M13 T18 S6 S9 Bomb Drop 11/11 Moved Out 7/12 Still have hope. No OW that I know of..
One other thing I forgot to mention is that H was offered free tickets to the NFL football game today. He turned them down. I have brunch plans with friends. We are also hosting some neighbors for the game this afternoon (his idea). I offered multiple times to cancel brunch so he could go. He just kept saying no. His choice! Secretly happy about it too!
Off to brunch!
Me 38 H 39 M13 T18 S6 S9 Bomb Drop 11/11 Moved Out 7/12 Still have hope. No OW that I know of..
Quick update. Had a really nice brunch yesterday with friends. Then when I came home, we hosted neighbors for the first time in a year. It was really nice but I didn't interact with H much. Pretty much the wives stayed upstairs with the kids and all the Hs were in the basement watching the game. After everyone left, H and I chatted and cleaned up. Then he left at his normal time of 9pm.
So I leave on a business trip next week. H will have to move home to stay with the kids for a week. After this trip, I plan to sit down and have a discussion with him. After 7 months of separation, I need more space for me. He comes home every night to have dinner with the kids.
Any advice about how to have this convo. I plan to have a session with a DB coach. I need to do this for me.
Me 38 H 39 M13 T18 S6 S9 Bomb Drop 11/11 Moved Out 7/12 Still have hope. No OW that I know of..
