Just getting caught up on your sitch over the last several days, I was dealing with my own drama and haven't been around here much. I'm really sorry to hear what happened.
Originally Posted By: ForeverYoung
Please try not to feel used. You put a lot of effort into DB, and have made yourself a better person. You should be proud of yourself. You are the prize, and I'm proud of you!
I know it's from a few days ago but wanted to reiterate that to you.
Originally Posted By: tori2012
Even now, after my H has said what he said, I know that deep inside I hope he changes his mind at the last minute. So even that final nail on the coffin doesn't let me lose all hope. I know that I still don't believe/accept what's happening.
I SO understand what you mean here because I feel the exact same way. Right now I think I'm squarely in the anger phase but I still hold hope deep down that something will flip the switch and my old W will come back. Sadly I haven't seen that version of her in over 10 years so not sure why I can't let go
Originally Posted By: tori2012
I made another mistake: told my mom what happened. She's now beyond angry and swore she will never talk to my H again. When he came over on Xmas Eve and was behaving so loving toward me, she also got her hopes up, and this was a big blow for her too. She was in tears. I felt so bad. Made me realize that although I don't want anyone to hurt me, I cannot accept anyone hurting my mom...I need to stop telling her these things.
Wow that sounds familiar. I did same thing with my mom and it really ticked me off when she started crying and how hurt she felt. She asked me on Christmas Eve if things were improving and I told her where we were and that we were at least talking and hanging out again. She was so upset when I told her about how W treated kids she went as far as to say W is dead to her (my mom is not like that at all). I made decision to stop telling anyone not on these boards what's going on.
I think the book club and trip will be good to get your mind right again. No matter what, don't forget that you are worthy of being loved and their are guys out there that will treat you how you should be and need to be treated. Any guy will be lucky to have you.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Am hijacking your thread for a sec. For you & anyone else who has previously posted on my thread (turtlegirl) please visit me on my new thread/new subject--littleGTO, finding my way.
As it turns out my H has been reading all my posts! DOn't know why but felt like my privacy had been invaded & asked to change my posted name.
Thanks!
BTW--Enjoy your trip!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Spartan, thank you for your feedback. It's good to know how your feelings are similar to mine, and how our mothers had a similar reaction. Divorce/potential for divorce affects so many people.
You said, "No matter what, don't forget that you are worthy of being loved and their are guys out there that will treat you how you should be and need to be treated. Any guy will be lucky to have you." THANK YOU. Sometimes my self esteem takes a plunge. I've wondered whether it would be better to just be alone for the rest of my life, but I do want love in my life. I guess it's a matter of time.
Wendylon, you're always there to offer a hug/words of encouragement. Hugs back to you!!
My H sent me a three word email when the L sent him the new date: "Tori--April 12??" I sent a reply explaining this date matched the L's schedule and my work schedule, but I could ask for an earlier date if he really wanted it. We'll see what he says. At this point, I don't feel like delaying things that much anymore. When you feel someone wants to kick you out of his life so badly, you want to leave his life too. My drive to DB is at its lowest. I will still GAL and do things for myself, but nothing to save the M.
I've also had disturbing thoughts about the woman he "dated" in April of last year. It's like a second affair. I remember how much he was pushing for sex with me with in June-Aug, probably right after she broke up with him. It's disgusting. I'm SO GLAD I didn't give in. I would be having a second round of STD tests now...
Anyway, I will get through this. Thank you for helping me see it.
Had a bad phone conv with my H (I don't even feel like calling him H anymore.) He was really upset about the late date. He said he can't move on with his life and this is so hard on him. I said, "poor you." Couldn't help it. Told him how awful it was to have some guy from the court show up at my house and tell me my H was suing me. I said I didn't want to go to court. He said he didn't want to either. I told him this was his project, so he needed to finish it up and do whatever it took. Now he just sent a couple of emails bashing the L and asking to do the papers himself. Whatever. I don't want to have to do anything with him at this point.
. When you feel someone wants to kick you out of his life so badly, you want to leave his life too. My drive to DB is at its lowest. I will still GAL and do things for myself, but nothing to save the M
For differing, yet similar reasons, I share the same thoughts and feelings.... You are not alone.
Thank you, Andrew, for stopping by. I know what a hard time you're having. It might be because I'm so angry and hurt, but I feel that I can't wait till this D is over. I don't want to see my H or be friends at any level. This might change over time...but now, this is what I feel.
I feel stupid for hanging on to the hope for so long. I wish I had ended things when he first had the A. I also think DB works in earlier stages of marital problems, and not at the point where I started. After all, the LRT is called last resort bc you're basically done but you're trying one last thing, which has a small prob of succeeding. At least I know there have been a few success stories...but it all depends on what the book says: sometimes your S has really shut the door to the M, and no LRT will work.
