Walking the path to my own happiness

[mamabird]

Wendy, I should look for the info about Byron Katie. She's an interesting read.

Regarding what Crazyville said - I am feeling a bit like the WAS these days. It's sad. I don't want to be the WAS. But here we are going on 7 months. Some of you may say that's a blip. Sure, maybe it's a blip. I am just at the point where I can't stand not having my own space in this house, and I don't like the way I'm being treated. The boys play their videogames in the den and I can't be in my own bedroom when H is in there. It is truly awful and has to stop, there has to be some movement in one direction or another. That to me means, H moves out or H decides to work on it. Or I move out, and I'm not willing to do that. But I won't be a prisoner in my own house. As soon as I start sacrificing my own best interests, that's when the trouble begins. It's like I rebel against myself.

So if H moves out and I go on a few dates, what will that mean? For me, I think I need a little reassurance as part of my "recovery." I am not looking for another R or an OM by any stretch of the imagination. I am just looking for some relief at this point, and it doesn't mean that I don't want to reconcile with H. It just means we both need some space and a break. The writing is on the wall guys and it has been for a while. I just haven't wanted to read it.

Odd thing happened today. Really odd thing. H decided to clean off the desk in "my" room (the den) and sat down at it with his computer. That desk has been there for months and he has never made any attempt to sit there. Furthermore, H has been tidying up a lot more than usual. Usually his crap is everywhere and now all of a sudden he's cleaning it up.

I think this would be a great sign under ordinary circumstances but now that I want him to leave he's just starting to settle in. I don't get it. I guess this financial thing is pretty serious; not like we're going to be destitute but we may be struggling a lot more than we had anticipated.