I start to pull away emotionally because of the stress in our lives. I try to be super husband and super dad, doing everything and trying to be as strong and in control as possible. W drops numerous hints about how she is concerned about me and our R, how she feels IC would help me
Good grief, that sounds straight out of my own sitch! Little did I know that my attempts to be super husband and super dad in control of everything was being perceived by my family as undesirable controlling behavior! Sounds like it may be the same for you.
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She has already found those people and is spending time physically with them when she can
Pretty typical for a WAS to find one or more "enablers" to tell them what they want to hear.
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During this time I am doing all the wrong things. I pursued her, was whiny, needy, tried to remind her of the good times in the past, etc. pretty much the entire list of what DR says not to do.
We all did it to start with. But you've stopped that, right?
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I get the ILYBINILWY speech, as well as what an amazing person she thinks I am and how some other woman will be so lucky to have me someday. That destiny brought us together because i was meant to be the father of our kids and what an amazing dad i am. That I'm her best friend and we will always be friends because of our deep personal connection and the relationship we need to maintain for our kids, S6 and S3.
I got a similar script as well. It made it that much more difficult, because if I'm such a great person and dad, then why does she want to leave? I'm sure you're wondering that too. Don't ask, because all you'll hear is "I don't know" or "I've been unhappy a long time" or something equally vague.
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I've been doing what I can to GAL and 180.
Good. Stick with it. It'll take months before your 180's start to turn your W around.
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I began an exercise program and the last few days I have spent time with friends that I neglected for far too long. Its felt great to have fun and meet new people. I've spent time on these forums reading and trying to get some insight. I plan to locate a problem solving IC to open another avenue to improve myself. I need to spend more time honing in on goals for what I need to change in myself.
All great things. Stick with it!
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I have to improve my 180s. I have to continue to tell myself that I cannot change W's choices or make them for her; I can only make choices for myself and become the person I can be for myself and my sons.�
Yes. And give your W time and space.
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So today is a rough day for me. W and I have a MC session on Friday and I'm going back and forth on whether to let her know that I'm aware of OM and her affair.
Your MC will probably ask some questions about this. Hopefully your W will be honest. I wouldn't pressure W about it before then.
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I haven't been doing the LRT yet; I've just started GAL and 180. Maybe I need to LRT regardless of how I choose to handle her R with OM.
LRT is the Last Resort Technique. It's called LAST resort because that's what it is. Give the other DB techniques a chance to work first. If you were emotionally distant in the M then the LRT can be damaging anyway because your W will perceive it as "more of the same" behavior.
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I think I'm also confused right now because she asked that I come sit next to her and she laid her head on my lap...and physical affection is my primary LL.
It's a baby step, just celebrate it internally and don't react to it.
