When tapestries of life get tangled in the loom.

[adinva]

Hi Bruce, keep your changes going, sounds like you're making some progress with yourself.

As a sometimes contract negotiator I would warn you that you're getting emotional in a business environment. The court stuff is going to be a bit nasty and your W and her legal advisors will do what it takes for her to protect herself and her son. See it from her viewpoint and perhaps you will understand she is like a mama bear trying to get a bad influence out of her and her kid's life.

That is kind of normal and understandable, and in divorce court mean things get said. If you're going to get all emotional and take each item personally and act like you're taking the high moral ground by saying she's a good mother, well, it's just counterproductive to your interests. Not defending yourself is counterproductive. No one's handing you an award for that.

There's a big difference between defending yourself and casting aspersions on her character and mothering. So it's good if you're not casting aspersions (so far the only thing she's done wrong is not want to be with you for some solid reasons). But you can defend yourself, and 25 who knows her stuff has told you how. Learn and grow, and don't get petty. I believe she suggested that depending on the grounds in the legal paperwork, you may not be hurting yourself any to admit you didn't live up to the man/dad you want to be and you want to do that now. THAT is defending your interests and working toward getting your time with your son that you need. Accusing her of being a horrible wife or mother is going to make you look bad.

You're digging out of a pretty deep hole Bruce, and you still seem not to get that. You hurt her so badly that she left the country and tried to never see you again. Now she's being fought in court so she's pulling together whatever legal points she can to keep her kid and try to get you out of her life. That's putting it in black and white.

You can get mad and vow to withdraw your friendship from her, that's your pride talking. Or you can promise and live into wanting to do better so you have a chance at being a real dad to your kid, and realize that the things that she does that hurt you come from a place of hurt in her...that you created.