Go to dave ramsey dot com, listen to the archives of the radio show, and check out a copy of his book Financial Peace from the library. Read it yourself first, then see if you can get your H to read it. Better still might be to take one of the courses they offer through many local churches and such.
I also recommend reading a book called Your Money or Your Life, by Dominguez.
Whether or not your H stops his affair, whether or not your marriage survives, this is a step you NEED to take for YOU. Transforming your relationship with money, getting out of debt and shedding the load that that puts on you, will be a HUGE improvement in your life.
Your husband may be cheating on your sexually in the marriage, but you'll need to own that you've been cheating on HIM financially. Time to face up to your part of the marriage and deal with that - we can't change our partners, but we CAN change ourselves - and that often triggers change in them anyway.
Listen to some of the Friday shows - on Fridays, people call in and tell how much debt they've paid off - you'll be amazed at what people can do.
