I'm very sorry about your mother's passing and the holiday will never be the same for you. It's important to create new traditions and honor her in some of those traditions. Your mother would not want you to suffer each Christmas Day. She may have wanted you to remember her in a very special way. If you would like to talk about your mother, please do so. What was she like, what were her hobbies, did she like flowers, etc.? Talking about her may help you a bit since your h is mlcing this year.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Last night H took the kids out to eat and to a store and dropped them off curbside about 2 1/2 hours later.
S13 came right to me and said "Dad was such a jerk tonight" I said "what happened" he told me how S13 was trying tomake small talk with H and he was talking about some guy S13 saw on a show he said "Dad do you know him?" H said "I don't know him, never knew him and I dont want to know him" really sarcastically, S17 said "dad don't be so rude, S13 was just trying to tell you a story" H said to S17 "don't talk to me like that....you will Fxxxing respect me". WTH??? He's went clean off his mind.
The kids said that he was in a bad mood the minuete he picked them up. S17 said that maybe he had a fight with his HOE s13 said he actually didn't text all night (thats a first).
Any ideas why hes being like this a week from christmas?
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
Who knows what was wrong w/him. Could have been a bad day at work, the traffic light was red too long, his underwear didn't fit properly, etc. There's no telling what sets them off. It may not have been a fight w/the ow. They have hair trigger tempers and it could nothing more than a pain in his side. So, don't try to over analyze the situation because it changes from minute to minute. Trying to analyze their every mood, word or action will drive you insane because they don't have a clue what they are going to be doing from one minute to the next.
I'm sorry your sons had to witness the behavior, but I have a feeling he'll sweep the incident under the carpet and will be totally different the next time he communicates w/them. Mlcers are just emotionally nuts.
Keep focusing on you and your family. Your family needs your full attention w/the holidays fast approaching.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
S17 told me everything that was said in the fight they had the other night because S17 told H to stop being rude to his brother.
S17:Dad stop being rude to S13 he was just telling you a story.
H: Dont talk to me that way, you WILL fuxxing respect me.
S17: what's to respect?
H: I dunno what your allowed to get away with at home but it wont fly with me.
S17: I give plenty of respect at home. (which he does)
H: Then why wont you give it to...I'm getting really sick of your mouth it better stop.
S17: or what, your gonna hit me?
H: if thats what it takes. (wth?)
S17: Bring it on.
Then S17 said D10 started to cry so he stopped arguing with him, but H kept trying to go on and on. H later went up to S17 and hugged him and said sorry.
I bought H a christmas present from the kids and I had a bunch of gift bags so I asked the boys which one I should use for his gift and they both said the one that says "HO HO HO" LOL
Last night H took the kids out to eat and when they were done he left. Later I was checking my email and apparently H rented a redbox movie (they email the info to my email) but where he rented it was not on his way home opposite direction completly...makes no sense unless he was going to OW's house, surprisingly I didn't dwell on it, and it felt good.
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
At 9:30am my SIL called me to ask me something. She said she was at MIL house since last night helping her clean for her christmas party today, I said "please tell me H is not on his way the kids are not ready?" she said "I dunno where H is he never came home last night" I just thought "whatever".
D10 was up and eating breakfast, S13 was still sleeping so I woke him to get up and shower because H was coming to pick them up. S13 got up said he didn't feel good so I felt his head and he was burning up. So I called H surprise surprise...no answer, so I text him and said "tried to call you, S13 is sick w/fever, D10 will be ready for you when you get here.
About 10 mins later he called and said I just left I'llbe there soon, he said he was in the shower when I called earlier...so I said Hmm SIL just told me you never came home last night...I swear I heard crickets....he said nothing and I didn't ask would have been alie anyway.
After we hung up he called D10 phone and told her to come out to the car when he got there, she said can you come help me I have alot of stuff, hesaid take everything out to the driveway and I'll put it in the car. I told her no he'll come get it.
He COULD NOT look at me when he came in, he was dressed like he was 18 in things he'd never have worn before. They left I told D10 I'd see her monday and I loved her. He called at 4:30 and said " I'm bringing D10 home I have so much to do I have to go shopping" He's such an a$$hole, I don't get it at all and I don't think I ever will. Today was not a good day very emotional and I miss my husband so much but this new guy I think I hate him. Is this normal?
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
I hope your son is feeling better today and I'm sorry things didn't work out w/your h and your d. However, I'm not surprised because the holidays send them in a tizzy. They are not organized, they become complete crazy people because it is an emotional time for them. Everyone is happy and it's family time w/loads of good memories from times past. They cant' handle it.
He didn't want to be around you because you had made the comment about him not coming home. He felt guilty because he got caught. "Mom" you weren't suppose to know about it.
Everything he is doing is very normal for an mlcer. After the holidays, he'll settle back down into an "ordinary" mlcing pod person.
Do the best you can w/the holidays because you can't rely on him for anything. I'm so sorry about yesterday.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
A slow few days. Christmas day was OK, very different for all of us but we survived My kids loved their gfts and we lit a candle and put it next to my mums picture just to mark the 4 years since she passed. I must admit the lonliness I felt was overwhelming at times but everytime Ifelt it coming on I made myself busy.
My friend and her bf and son came for dinner (they love my cooking) and that was really nice. At bedtime my kids gave me a kiss and said "we had a great christmas mom thankyou" I think they knew how I was feeling
It hurts so much to think that he had christmas with her and her theiving kids, when he has 3 of the most beautiful, loyal and loving kids EVER right here. I don't think I could ever forgive him in any way shape or form, I don't get it I dont think I ever will.
I took S13 to the doc's yesterday as he still has a really high fever and do you think H has called to see how he is? Nope!!! Right now I dont give a sh!t how hard his childhood was, he's doing the same without the physical abuse...but its all mental and emotional to his kids.
Thats how I'm feeling for today Just heard a song "I'll pray for you" look it up it sums up my thoughts for today.
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
It goes beyond comprehension doesn't it? You look at your kids and how awesome they are and you think... "How? Why?"
This last year is pretty much the very last thing I ever expected for my kids to endure. Ever. But, life is ok today--with or without H. How sad for him. We laugh so much more now.
No words of wisdom. But, I hear ya and feel your pain. Hang in.
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
It's official, H has lost his mind along with his crazy mother.
H came to get the kids 2 hours late on new years eve....I said nothing.
I went out to dinner with s17, stated texting s13 to see how it was going...no response. At 11pm I got a message on FB from s13 it said ' mom, dad took mine ad D10 phone and he left' He asked MIL to use hèr phone to call me, she said no.
To cut a long story short s17 and I drove down to get the kids the next morning, H wouldn't let them leave so s17 went inside to try tô reasoñ with him ....big mistake. H and MIL started in on him right away! MIL said that he needed counseling that there was something wrong with him and he needed help because he couldn't get over the fact that his dad was moving on, she went on about how he was a grown man and he could do what he wanted.
We left and later H dropped the kids off later. D10 çame to me and I'm so glad to be home...shè said I didn"t know gràndma was so mean!
Words of wisdom would be appreciated.
M 41 H 43 M 22 S 18 S 14 D 11 Affair discovered 1/12 He filed 2/12 OW#2 7/12 she lives next door. D pending
My MIL, if you remember, unloaded on D18 last week. She still looks a bit stunned saying, "Why is she OK with Dad's weird, horrible, deplorable behavior, but hates me because I got a nose piercing?"
How do you support these kids who get it from, not only their crazy dads, but their crazy grandparents. Mine cut off both girls (18 and 10) for six months after H left. Who does that?
All I can say is "Yuck."
Sick fruit from sick trees. Have any weed killer?
Hang in,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
My kids loved their gfts and we lit a candle and put it next to my mums picture just to mark the 4 years since she passed. I must admit the lonliness I felt was overwhelming at times but everytime Ifelt it coming on I made myself busy.
Just heard a song "I'll pray for you" look it up it sums up my thoughts for today.