In Limbo

[AJW]

Still not quite understanding the forum moderation. In the newcomers section it says last post was yesterday at 8something in the morning, but when I check my thread the last post was yesterday at 4:55pm by AnotherStander.

Anywho, to reply to some of what AnotherStander (AS) wrote...

As I wrote in a previous post, I'm really having trouble figuring out where to go from here. My wife's separation strategy didn't work because her mom wants her to stay and work on the marriage. My wife is staying, but not working on the marriage. We have an MC appt tonight. To address AS's concern about the MC not being pro-marriage, we are fortunately going to an MC who is very pro-marriage and considers the client in our sessions to be the marriage. She is also familiar with Michele Weiner-Davis and supports her work (I had a short phone conversation with her about this). However...

My W really thinks the only way forward is for her to spend some time away and 'clear her head'. That could either be a bunch of BS, or she may be right. She says that time away may be the only way her heart could soften towards me. Evidence suggests that her interactions with the OM are limited to work, but obviously I can't know that for sure. What do I do at this point? Do I suggest some kind of controlled separation with the MC, where some boundaries/guidelines are set? I'm not sure my MIL will let my W stay with her unless the idea is to work towards reconciliation...as opposed to just a willy nilly separation.

I really need to do better at 180'ing though. With her being around the house like a zombie it's so hard for me not to press her for information or conversation about the R. I'm so impatient and I need to work on this - it's only been about 6 weeks since she dropped the bomb.

On a good note, I am addressing my personal issues and making changes. I've seen my doc and have started medication for depression, which probably will need to be altered in the future to address anxiety as well. I've lost about 20 lbs. already (down to 205 from 225), I've been more active and involved around the house, etc. My wife at some point told me that for all six years of our marriage I've been mean, selfish and controlling. True in part but not very fair in my opinion, but at least I have information to work with and address. I know that I need to make drastic changes.