(Maybe this is what you guys mean by me not being fully detached. I'm not sure if it's all her or just the sitch in general, especially regarding kids, that gets me more depressed.)
I know it was impossible for me to completely detach when W was still in the house. I may have thought I was detached, but once she moved out and I focused more on me and less on her it became a little more clear just what detachment was supposed to look like.
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Most of the time when W is home I do a good job having fun with kids no matter her mood and I'm getting better at faking being upbeat after kids go to sleep. I'd be lying though if I said deep down it doesn't bother me when I stop and think about things.
That's OK, acting "as if" is what you're doing and that's good DB'ing. With time you'll no longer have to act, you will eventually have a PMA that is unaffected by your W's actions. But until then acting is fine.
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The part I'm struggling with is right now I don't feel anything for her and that bothers me. I never wanted to feel that way about my W (heck I don't want to feel that way about anyone). My struggle is that I hate this feeling that I don't want to talk with her, help her, or even care about her day. I'm not sure if that makes any sense or not.
It certainly makes sense to me because I've felt that too. I think I convinced myself for a while that I really didn't have any feelings for her anymore, but I've since come to realize that while I do want/ need the distance from her, the feelings are still there, I'm just supressing them. For me that's been the key to detachment. The feelings are there, but not affecting me or my PMA or GAL. If reconciliation is in the cards, I feel confident I can bring those feelings back out and nurture them.
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Should I just force myself to act like everything is fine and keep with the approach I was using before telling kids or should I start going dim and keep the acquaintance thing going? I honestly don't think either option is good (first feels fake (right now) and I don't like the feeling of second).
Tough question for sure. I guess I would say look at it from a DB'ing perspective, and think about the cheeseless tunnels. Look at what you've been doing and ask yourself if it's been working, and if not then try something else. Remember that DB'ing often doesn't feel right at all, it often seems counterintuitive. So don't concern yourself too much about how it feels.
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I was planning to take the family to MSU basketball game next Saturday and wasn't sure what to do about W. I'm sure kids would like her to go but I'm not sure where I'm at with that. Maybe I'll ask W and let her decide if she wants to go or not. Do you think that's the right move in current sitch or should I just take the kids w/o inviting W?
I follow Michele's advice very strictly on this, and that is that you should go ahead and make plans to go with the kids and then tell W she's welcome to join if she wants. In other words, make it clear that you're going with or without her, but if she wants to go along then you don't object. Sometimes my W goes and sometimes she doesn't, but if she doesn't then I show ambivalence, I don't ask her to explain why I just shrug it off and go anyway.
