Walking the path to my own happiness

[mamabird]

He would not have spoken to your dad if he wanted out. And it was not to make you look bad. He was looking for guidance. Does he have a dad?

Well, this is true. I guess my father called to ask him a question and somehow they got talking. He has in the past tried to make me look bad to my friends and parents, but not this time.

H does have a dad but he's not much of an advisor. This is one of the reasons H's life skills are sometimes not quite up to par. Because we've been together for so long and I've been handling his affairs, it hasn't been much of an issue up to this point.

stop referring to other men or your next man.

Sigh. You're right if I am to DB, but if I am to be completely honest with myself, I don't think I'd be doing anyone any good for me to go back into this M without exploring some other options. I can't say with any certainty at all that H is the best partner for me. In fact I say it with a lot of doubt. Many of you on this board truly believe that your H's and W's are good partners for you. I believe in the sanctity of marriage but not when it comes at my own expense, and over the months I've come to understand and/or admit to myself that maybe this R does need to end.

A little about my own past - I didn't have a lot of experience before I married H. I had one bf for 5 years (4 years too long) and started dating H very soon after. So I haven't had the chance to really "date." I am sure that it is a frustrating experience in and of itself, but I think that if I am to move forward in this R or in any other R, I need to figure out what I want. I don't think I can do that without dating other people. It is very sad but given my history in this R and frankly, in the R before it, I need to be very very sure that I'm with the right person before committing to anything or anyone else, or even recommitting to H.

Hopeful is right when she says it would be a new M, if H and I were to R. It would have to be a completely different dynamic. How nice it would be to have that with H... I'm just trying to be realistic about the possibility of that happening.