Also, if you imagine a canoe (life) floating down a river (change,) I prefer to do it with a paddle, because I like to have some input on the direction the changes. H opts to throw out the paddle because paddling (change) is hard, so the changes he has to deal with is whatever life throws at him. He has one D under his belt already, lost a number of jobs, and had a heart attack requiring immediate surgery. He has done little in response to these events to prevent any of them from happening again.
Queue the jokes about being up life(a creek) without a paddle (paddle)?
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H does not like change, however. Imagine in your most annoying, whiny voice saying, "But change is h-a-r-d....!"
That's projecting, CV. It is your perspective and it is likely based on what you've seen. But I will point out he has changed over the years and so have you. Regardless of whether or not you embrace change, you will change. So will he. It's inevitable and immutable for a living being. I don't make the rules, but I do have to follow most of them
The only real question is what your motivation and input is going to be that causes you to change. Negative input (thoughts) or positive input (thoughts). How we perceive the world is directly influenced by our thoughts and how we perceive actions around us. More succinctly, we are a product of our past - our past experiences, our past thoughts, our past "norm", our past values, etc..and how we perceived those at that point in time. i.e. we "learn" our behaviors and thoughts.
But it's just that - past. It's how we got here, but it's not the end of our story, so it's not who we are. It's just how we filter events that happen around us, to us, and for us. (too much philosophy? I always wanted to be a stand-up philosopher)
What changed from the time you met him to the time you wanted him to divorce you or you wanted to leave him?
I'd rather not hear about how this applies to him any longer, if you don't mind. I'd rather hear how it applies to you and how you see it.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I feel it's best for him. From the outside looking in, our R looks fine. Even my BFF who knows our issues in-depth has said that if she didn't know better, she would think we were happily M'd. If it were detrimental to S12, I would D. But all he's learning right now is that M'd people have issues but they keep trying, they seek help, they talk it out. I think that's a good lesson for him. Beyond that, KD, it's not really a discussion I care to get into though, sorry.
Beyond that, KD, it's not really a discussion I care to get into though, sorry.
That makes perfect sense and is understandable.
I understand that you are here because you want to make the best for your son and that it is up to you to make sure that is so.
To be perfectly honest with you, because that's how I am, I expect you to either avoid this question completely, or completely berate me for even suggesting such a thing, so I am just putting it out there for you to ponder on your own.
KD, I hope I've never made you feel like I've berated you. If I have, I couldn't be more sorry for that. It's certainly not something I've ever intended.
To your question, I don't feel that I've failed my son. He's a very happy, well-adjusted little boy. He knows his parents love him. I couldn't ask for more. And I don't think that happened by accident.
