Almost Over...

[Dewayne]

GOOD GAWD that didn't go very dam well at all.

Got suckered into it. I screwed up. Pissed her off. So we went to McD's. First off, some kid pissed in the playhouse up there and my daughter walked through it. Then I asked if she was still wanting to see the Snow White (borrowed) movie. She said "No, I didn't get laundry done so I need to go home and still have things to do"

Later she texted someone and laid her phone down. I saw it said something about "..I don't want to watch a movie with him tonight"

So I got caught looking and she said "what?" So I told her You don't want to see a movie with me? Why say you did then? The text said "I don't want to watch a movie with him tonight. I'm tired and just want to go home". So this started it up. I tried to hold off but couldn't. By the time we got to the house she was upset and said "you're grasping for straws. You need to just move on, you're tearing yourself up. I'm happy here, I'm happy with my life here" I said "You're HAPPY? You're living in a trailer with your brother's family, there's like 8 people here, your car's trashed. Your hours are getting cut week by week at work. You're barely able to afford daycare now.. THIS is happy to you?"

... Lay it on me. I know. Smack me good

I got roped in and now I gotta start over. Some things she said on her own:

"I don't want to try and reconnect. I don't want anyone right now, I don't want to be with you."

I had said "this is going to be rough on Jordan, she's going to have a lot of hurdles coming up" Her response: "I know, she's already started... I know" Before, she kept insisting "She'll be fine" Now she's seeing issues with the kiddo.

"I'm not mad, I'm getting use to it"

"You should just move on, you're tearing yourself apart"

"Babe, if I come out of this and you've moved on and I regret all this, then I guess I deserve it, but what if I DON'T come out of this? It's not fair for you to wait on me, I'm not asking you to wait on me"

For what it's worth, she did bring the movie with her, as if she really intended to watch it with me.

I know I failed you guys, more importantly I failed us. But, do you guys think this is salvageable? I mean, I found out what part of my problem is... I can't move on with DB'ing with her because it's like I need confirmation that she's going to try to reconnect. I know, ignore what she says... got it. 180, got it. so I guess I need to kick myself harder and not WANT/NEED confirmation that she'll be trying to reconnect. I just keep getting lapsed up when I'm with her. I guess I'm not ready for so much contact with her.

The only real ANSWER she ever gives is "things change babe, just things change" So yeah, no real answers, she just doesn't know, right?

I'll try harder next time. I already got her "it's ok, don't worry about it" so should I try to txt her later, tomorrow maybe and see if things are ok or wait on her? I think she's taking kiddo to dentist tomorrow. Maybe she'll let me know something on her own.