Rubt and Tori, I really needed that. It does all make sense. You framed it perfectly. It has helped me at least get back ob my feet to walk the journey I news to. The best thing that may come out of this outburst, is the realization that I have some this before, and not just to her. I think a big part is my internalizatiob of thoughts / resentment towards unacknowledged actions by me; and then eventually alcohol helps it boil and then Boom! Out it comes. For example, during the recent "done" talk with W, as I apologized for allowing all of my hurt out in the wrong way, a part of her response was simply, "you choose to stay".
So in a good way, she had a late work meeting thingy so I was able to come home simply to the kids...and the SILs who left shortly after I came home. So, the kids and I just hung out and had a nice evening. I was nice to W but kept my distance / gave her space; and exercised and here I am now.
One probable last note for tonight is FIL called to see if it was okay to come over tomorrow to visit with the SILs. I said I didn't see why not. Then he asked how I was, I said ok considering. His response was something along the lines if "Time will smooth things out, and Love will fix the rest". It's so unlike him to say such a thing; and I really like it. Time to start rereading DR..
