Tori, FY is right, I think. You'll be glad you did see them once it's over.
Do you think that part of your current depression may be stemming from the finality of your latest interaction with your H? It pretty much put the final nail in the coffin and vanquished all hope. That's hard. I know I was ready to finally see a lawyer and get it over with but I think I would have been totally wiped out emotionally if H had just gone along and seemed relieved.
Please know it's no reflection on your worth or ability to be loved. There's a man waiting for you to move on in your life...move on to him.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
FY, SS, thanks. I will stay at my uncle-in-law's and will see his grandmother, mom, and stepdad. I hope you are right and this trip is a good idea.
I think I feel so bad bc I've been gone through the same dissapointment over and over. It's my fault, I know. I said I would be "done" if he filed for D, but I talked to the coach and I felt encouraged to continue DBing. And even when my H moved out last February, I should've just given up. I continued trying and things were getting better and then in April he said he was done. I said, okay, it's over. But then in June he started contacting me/seeing me again. Until September, when after many outings and time together he said he had filed. It's like a cuel game I've accepted to play.
Even now, after my H has said what he said, I know that deep inside I hope he changes his mind at the last minute. So even that final nail on the coffin doesn't let me lose all hope. I know that I still don't believe/accept what's happening. I find it hard to believe he was dating someone back in April and I didn't know about it! It just doesn't seem possible. I can't seem to see my H for the man he now is--very different from the H I married. I feel that even after the D is final, I'll be subconsciously "hoping."
Thanks for your words of encouragement. I tend to be resilient and heal quickly, so maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.
Hey Tori, it's expected that you will hope, because now you are squarely in the grieving process. I dread having to be there and it seems we go through it time and time again and think, well, okay...did it only to find it starts all over again.
Go see people. See the ocean, the ocean always makes me feel so where I am supposed to be. You will be glad you did this.
You definitely are the prize. My challenge for you is to find one new GAL when you get back. New people, new activity. You need this right now and this is my Tori challenge for you. Also go and cry and scream and yell a bit, okay? (((())))))
Ruby, I'm grateful for you, and for everyone on this board. This sitch stinks but at least I've interacted with people like you.
I just returned from a new book club I joined. The two other people in the group are in their mid twenties, but they think I'm also in my twenties, so I won't correct them unless they ask :-) Anyway, it was nice to talk to them and it helped me feel better. Does this count as my new GAL? I also signed up for a bunch of meetups coming up.
I've cried a lot. Screaming? Not so much...Maybe I should try it :-)
I made another mistake: told my mom what happened. She's now beyond angry and swore she will never talk to my H again. When he came over on Xmas Eve and was behaving so loving toward me, she also got her hopes up, and this was a big blow for her too. She was in tears. I felt so bad. Made me realize that although I don't want anyone to hurt me, I cannot accept anyone hurting my mom...I need to stop telling her these things.
Tomorrow will be a better day. Got a conference call with the L so I will ask him all the Qs I have and see what he says about avoiding the court.
Tori, So sorry you are having a tough time. There are so many of us here that understand completely how you feel. Life not worth living (untrue, but most of us have felt this way temporarily).
A book club sounds good-definitely a great GAL! And meet-ups...I just googled separation groups & came across a possible meetup in my area. You'll have to let me know how this goes.
Enjoy CA. It will be good for you just to get away from your life for a little while.
Since I am in CT too I would love to hear what L says.
(((LOTS OF HUGS, TORI)))
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I am trying to put things in perspective. From my H's perspective, nothing really different has happened since he filed in Sept. Only that he got to spend some time with me (his "ex" already in his mind,) and got the comfort he needed when he would have otherwise been alone.
Tori, I just wanted to point out the cake eating here. I hope you take note and maintain your boundary for your sake. He does not deserve to have your attention to make it through his break up with OW to then try and find another OW. Take care of yourself, you are worth so much more than being a fall back plan.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Tori, I think you can fairly well mind read what I have to say.... You most definitely are a prize. I think you do know rhat, and partially since hit H still has his head up *ss and cannot see you for how blossomed it what makes things hurt a little more. Tip, if you choose to scream, don't do it at H. It won't help. When do you leave for your trip? It probably is a good idea. A good escape and at least it will be one more stone not left unturned.
((((( ))))). <----- Yes, many of us need those today.
TGirl, focus on meetups that are not necessarily for people who're separated, but for everyone.
Subguy, you're right. On New Year's Eve, after the conv we had, my H still tried to undress me. I said, what are you doing? He said, "undressing you." I said, "that's cake eating." He was all confused and asked what cake eating was. I said he could figure it out on his own. After a few minutes, he got it. He wasn't happy. I thought it was funny, and thought of our group and the terms we use on this board.
Andrew, I leave on Monday. I only made one change, and extended my stay at a hotel two more nights so I only have to stay with my H's uncle for four nights. I feel better this way. I will tell him the price/night was lower if I stayed longer (which is true.)
Don't worry, I'm not a screamer. I actually can't remember ever yelling at anyone.
I still feel sad and unmotivated, but maybe a little less...will let you all know how the meeting with the L went.
Just finished talking to the L. He set 4/12 as the new final date, which is better. He also said I cannot avoid going to court on that day. Not what I wanted to hear, but what can I do. At least I won't have to go to the court on 1/22 (the case management date.)
I'm not thrilled with this L. I would switch him if I hadn't already spent so much money on him. He's more of a trial L, so he's rushed and doesn't really listen. He did great when I first interviewed him. But now...
My H sent an email today to share interesting facts about stocks. Just that. I only said, "thank you for sharing." Will choose to not see him again until I return from the trip.
