Ugh. This is so complicated. Some of you have such more black and white situations than me. In my case, since I find the ins and outs of what to say and what I expect and what will end up happening whether I say anything or not....my little mantra was kind of a way to throw my hands up in the air and just jump over the complications to an easier future.
If H's sister and his brother's wife learn that he was emotionally disconnected from us and walked away without giving it a chance, what will that change? Nothing really. No one is hearing lies about what a bad W I was or that I'm playing dirty, because H is literally not telling them anything at all.
No one is going to shake H into reality or shame him, or otherwise say anything really useful to him, because he is not in a place to hear it. I went to counseling practically begging for things to fix in myself, I was ready to hear it and wanted to hear it. H does not, not now and may never.
My IC keeps telling me that it is perfectly fine to tell certain people "this was not my choice." I think that I'm reserving it for people who seem to want to know more. So far the SILs have stayed pretty far back from prying for information. In time, if it seems appropriate, I will make it more clear.
At my guitar meetup one of the guys who was new mentioned in the first few minutes of introducing himself, that he was recently divorced. Someone said "I'm sorry," and he said "Don't be, we grew apart." I just don't want to be like that. This all meant so much more to me than that, and I don't want to present it that way to avoid making people uncomfortable. I don't know what I want.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
