The best answer that I have encountered, Bruce, is time. Time and consistency. Like many, including myself, it appears as if you want your wife to accept your realizations and actions as concrete evidence that something has changed and that things can now be....."better". Not enough time has passed at all - that impacts two things.
1.) Your ability to really CHANGE. And I mean forever...that takes time and is a greater task than realizing that you have made mistakes. It is a long, painful road to go down - but well worth it for a lot of reasons. I told my XW awhile ago that if she would have stayed when I was begging her to I probably would have changed for maybe 2-3 months at the most and then I would have gone right back to where I was once I got comfortable again. I hate to say it, but I am learning that there is a requisite amount of suffering that people in our position have to go through before we really take a true inventory, own our "stuff", and work to change it.
2.) Her ability to believe you. I am sure it has been said to you before - but right now chances are she believes nothing has truly changed in you at all and that you are using some kind of tactic to get her back. Work on your 180s...what are they? How have you been working on them? Lay down the defenses and get to work on them - it will really, really, really help. Over time, she may begin to believe.
