That "you are divorcing [h]" comment grated. I've stopped myself a few times from writing back to correct the record. That's the second SIL who has made an assumption that I left H. I'm sensitive about that. What I'm trying to do is to see that in the future it really won't be relevant anymore who left who and who did wrong. I want to take the shortcut to that future (thinking of that old kids' game Chutes & Ladders) and am telling myself to try acting like it doesn't matter RIGHT NOW.
My mantra today is "in the future this will not matter."
Ad,
Just wanted to bare my soul on this issue. I feel you are a lot more evolved than me in respect of this.
However, I just want to ask (because I still can't really see it),
Is it so bad to let people know that we are not the ones driving this? Is it really a good thing to go along with whatever version others assume, or indeed, our spouses promote (i.e. in my case that it was a mutual thing)?
Isn't this hiding the fact of mlc? That so many spouses go through an identical process is amazing to most of us on here - isn't it time this life transition event got a bit more publicity? Likewise should we be complicit in sweeping under the carpet the fact that some people think it's ok to walk away from their family responsibilities?
I can see all the arguments about not trash-talking an ex-spouse, being aware that there are 2 sides to every marriage breakdown, etc.
But that is different to going along with/enabling a self-serving version from one's ex.
And, yes, EVERYONE'S version is self-serving and interested, BUT ...
I need some help here.
I have been left destitute by an H who simply walked out on his debts and responsibilities. I don't feel like going along with his story that we simply decided, mutually, that we couldn't live with each other any more.
Maybe this is the nub of my problem, it's still important to me to be right...
