X demands full custody because I'm engaged, Part 2

[25yearsmlc]

...not married to the lawyer you had...

That's some funny stuff. It reinforces how some of us (the ones who come to these boards) take things like marriage commitment seriously and others don't.

No, I'm not married to my L. She was a member of a firm but I think she has left them. My X's L was a member of the top shark divorce mill in town.

No offense, really. But most people think their former spouses hired "sharks" and I don't know any spouses who think they pay "too little in child support/alimony".

Most feel that they got ripped off. It's human nature to see things with our own biases,

Also, who forced you to hire your lawyer? At what point did you begin to feel dissatisfied with her representation, but continue to retain her? See where I"m going with this?


X paid thousands more than me but would you believe those two L's overlooked mistakes in the financial portion of the settlement?!?!

Are you saying b/c she paid more, she ought to have gotten more? It actually Sounds as if she did get more, hearing your version here.

But fwiw, missing a mistake on the financial portion, if it helped HER< is probably not something her lawyer would point out. It's your job and your lawyer's to do the math for you. I don't know why you agreed to giving all this away to her unless you had deep fears about losing the kids or she had something to hold over you...from what you say here, it's odd.

Fwiw, I've caught errors in our closing documents for purchases of our homes, three different times. Each mistake would have cost us thousands. (God only knows how many mistakes I missed). My h is an MD and a smart man. He missed the errors too. Always read what you sign, carefully.


Those have been corrected (thank GOD) and they (and the judge?!?!) overlooked a typo that I was to pay X a tidy sum each month in addition to her getting all the assets while I took 1/2 the debt (business and personal). That had to be corrected when I bought back the house that was originally in my name only, on my credit only from X so could qualify for a new loan.

just for the record, all this^^ is what you agreed to, right? So why bring it up now? Why is it relevant?


I should sue my L AND the judge (my L didn't look out for my interests,

(SIGH)

how did they Not look out for your interests? You just said you "only wanted the kids" and that is exactly what you got.

the judge apparently can't do math cause the figures of the financials reveal no way for me to carry such a debt). I can't reach my L anymore and as for the judge, I don't even remember her name although it's on the papers.

I only wanted my kids 50/50 and that's what I got.

So you're grateful you got the kids --

Or are you still angry that a judge didn't ask you if you could really afford a mistaken number on a document, which he assumed you and your lawyer had read?? (No It's not his job to add up the numbers to something you agreed to, and decide if HE thinks YOU can afford it...that's your job/your lawyer's job and since it was a math ERROR, it's not important now, is it?)

Since you're not grateful you got the kids, you must be bitter/regretful b/c you let your emotions, anger, & fears of losing the kids, interfere with rational business making decisions....You're not the first person to do that.

But you ought to own up to the choices you made and the reasoning behind them, at the time.

Before I met my h, my late MIL divorced my fil. She told me repeatedly, (and this was a full decade later) that at the time, "all she wanted was OUT of the marriage"...

so they sold the house. Her lawyer pushed for her to get half of the profits but she didn't even want that delay of the divorce to debate it, AT ALL...fortunately her lawyer prevailed in that one respect, and she got half the house profits

(w/18 years of marriage)....

See, she reacted quite emotionally to her divorce situation, and she really tied her lawyer's hands. She could not handle any delay or conflict or escalation.

Years later, she realized she could have fought, and won, half of her ex h's military retirement. But nope, at the time, "all she wanted was OUT as soon as possible" and that is what she got.

But later, she often complained to me about her "lousy lawyer". She never seemed to connect the dots.

She wanted out asap, and that meant her lawyer could not do anything that would delay the process, (which fighting for assets tends to do.)

In her later years, she worked 2 jobs to make ends meet, whereas my FIL invested his retirement income, and is now a self made millioinaire.

My older sister settled for much less than she could have gotten after 22 years of marriage & 3 kids and her working full time the whole time....whereas my younger sister got a MUCH better deal, with a 13 year marriage, no kids, and never working during the marriage.

Go figure.

I know It's not fair, but it's what she/they chose at the time. It's what happens when you let your emotions dictate your financial decisions.

Sometimes it leads to buyer's remorse, which is what I think I see in your words. But imo, it's not really fair to blame your xw or the lawyers for what you agreed to.

Maybe your lawyer tried to tell you to fight for the property more, maybe the "sharks" threatned to drag things out, maybe you didn't listen carefully enough until the day you actually read the documents

OR maybe you insisted then, as you do today, that "all [you] want is the children!"...and that would make it sound as if that really was your priority.


Buf if that was your priority, why complain now about the property? Do you see how it makes you sound?

On paper, as ambiguous at it is.

DD is a smart cookie who asked years ago why "mom got the house, the business and the best car."

Although I believe none of this ought to be discussed with the children, since you chose to do so anyhow, did you tell your d that the reason your ex w "got the house, business and best car" is b/c YOU agreed to that? B/C after all, that is the truth.


DD wasn't happy with me about the sleepover denial (coincided and intertwined with custody swap) but we had a long talk this AM. I answered her question of why I let her mother have everything but her and her brother (they are the only thing I wanted). I think she finally gets it.

So, the talk about the sleepover lead your daughter to ask you about a property settlement of years ago? Um, okay...but

Let me get this straight. You "ONLY wanted your kids 50% of the time" and you got that. That is what you wanted.... So, what's with all the complaining and talk of suing your Ls?

Sounds as if you instructed your lawyer to get the kids half time, which she did. Now you're mad b/c you think you could have gotten a better deal. Your wife spent more and she got more....you mock her lawyers for missing a math error (that maybe helped HER) and yet you call them sharks...

You evidently read your divorce agreement carefully b/c you caught errors others missed...but you're angry b/c you think you could have gotten a better deal.

I see this a lot. I just think you ought to own your choices more. Think about why you did what you did and what was going thru your mind. I'm not saying you were a fool at all.

But you sound bitter now, and you are blaming others for the choices YOU made. No one forced you hire the lawyer you hired, who then got you "all that you wanted"... I think you are revising things and letting yourself off the hook for your own mistakes, made in the heat of an emotionally trying time.

Please, since I think you sound very bitter, be mindful of parental alienation (bad mouthing your ex) b/c courts frown on it a lot. In our state, you can lose custody over it.

Plus, it makes you sound hypocritical...You claim, twice here, to have gotten what you wanted.

Then you say no one "watched out" for your interests & then you say her shark lawyers got so much of your property, but you read the agreement (carefully!) and you signed it...

Imo, you can't be the hero who made the kids is sole priority -

AND THEN whine that your lawyer and the judge should have looked out for your financial interests more.

I do not know your situation or why the divorce happened. I know your ex w SOUNDS terrible now.

But I also see you blaming others for choices you made.

Yes, I will press for specification of custody transfer.

I hope somebody (including lawyers and judges) learns from my experience.

Me too.