I think the holidays had a lot to do with it. Stbx seemed to spinning out with anger and hurt. He's feeling like he's losing control of me and the kids - we don't do what he wants - so he lashes out as hard as he can to try to get us to conform to his idea of how things should be.
He is indeed hitting bottom in the sense that nothing is working out for him in this process like he thought it would. I have not rolled over and given in to his demands for settlement. The kids don't want to spend time with him, his business is failing to generate income to pay his bills, and he doesn't feel happier.
Today, he came by to collect his clothes, as arranged.
I was "happy as a clam" - thanks Busto!
It went off really well.
Interesting thing was he ended up only taking a few shoes and 2 jackets and suits (neither of which he wears regularly). He left his shirts, Tshirts, jumpers and all of his ties (which are expensive and gorgeous and, previously, his pride and joy), indeed still about 75% of his wardrobe is here.
Go figure.
S14, who was here at the time, couldn't believe the turn-around in him from the other day when he was so angry.
S14 also couldn't understand why he didn't take all of his clothes.
His explanation: Dad was just mad at you the other day and said he was taking his clothes away to punish you and make you feel bad.
Fits the bill, pretty much.
I know people will say I should tell stbx to take the remainder of his things or even bundle them up for him and put them out, but my gut tells me now is not the time. The time will come, but it's not right now for me.
Stbx ended up staying at our house yesterday when there was no pressure or anger from me (I acted happy/disinterested and went about my work without pausing and then off into my room to read). He played video games with S14 and sat and talked for over an hour.
Even called out 'good bye' to me and hung around until I came out, when he was leaving.
This was a real change from recent times.
Interestingly, too, stbx did get a phone call that he was real cagey about after he'd been here for about a half hour. Sorta talking in 'code' in a stilted way.
I suspect it was from OW checking that he was OK during the 'trauma' of taking his clothes. He'd obviously expected things to be difficult and had communicated this to OW (or someone) who was worried enough to ring to check on him when he'd hadn't returned immediately.
So, good to know I managed a real 180 in his eyes.
I'll keep working on my goal to re-establish a friendly relationship, but also continue to show that i am indeed as happy as a clam with how things are.
Act it, and it will come.... I am really happy about how things turned out yesterday - so in this sense, acting makes reality already.
